Bad day

Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load, I'm too young to feel this old. (Kings of Leon)

Have you ever had a day when you just really don't feel great. Have you ever had a day when the above lyrics seem to sum up how you feel about life?

Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam. 'Cause sunbeams are not made like me.
Don't expect me to cry for all the reasons you had to die. Don't ever ask your
love of me.

Don't expect me to cry.
Don't expect me to lie.
Don't expect me to die.
Don't expect me to cry.
Don't expect me to lie.
Don't expect me to die for thee.     (Nirvana)

How about these lyrics? 

I have no reason to feel like I have today but when I woke up this morning I felt as though I had a terrible load, I had no energy and absolutely no drive to get up. I have had depressive periods in the past and know that it is part of who I am. Yet as I said I don't really have any reason to feel the way I do. I have just been offered another amazing job opportunity, I have my financial situation almost sorted and life should be good. I wasn't sure if I was going to share these thoughts with you today since they are just a rambling of seemingly depressive nothings from someone who has no reason to feel like this. However I thought about it for a while and it was while listening to the two tracks quoted above I began to think about the real hardship Jesus faced. 

Luke 14:27
"Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple." 

Jesus faced the toughest task that anyone has, taking on the sin of the world. He was the sacrifice that means I have everything I need. God has given me the greatest gift not only in the world, but the universe. 

Mark 14:32-36  

    They came to an area called Gethsemane. Jesus told his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James, and John with him. He plunged into a sinkhole of dreadful agony. He told them, "I feel bad enough right now to die. Stay here and keep vigil with me." 

    Going a little ahead, he fell to the ground and prayed for a way out: "Papa, Father, you can-can't you?-get me out of this. Take this cup away from me. But please, not what I want-what do you want?" 

The burden Christ bore for us was a huge one, a terrible one. And yet because he did this for us we have been given direct access to God, we have been given all the help we need. Through prayer we can ask God to help us in our personal trials and dark times. 

I need to learn to trust God, trust his guidance, his plans and his love. I still do not know why today brought with it the feelings and issues it did for me. I do not know if this was a lesson I have been given to learn or if it was an attack from the enemy. Yet from the shadows God still managed to shine a light and give me a direction to head in. This week is going to be a big week for me, I have a huge decision to make and Friday will be the day that I finally know the direction I am going to follow. I know that the plan that is set out for me is the best one, it must be as it is the one God has set for me. Knowing if I am following that path has been the hardest thing for me recently, knowing if I am following His will and not my own has been very difficult.

Through prayer, Bible study, contemplation and discussions with very close friends I have made huge inroads and I am in a much better position than I have ever been in. My relationship with God is still young and I have a long long way to go yet, but I know that this is certainly the best my life has ever been and I should be happy about that. As I finish writing this post, having spent time in prayer and reading the Bible, I feel the shadow of today has lifted and an inner peace around me and know that I am loved by my God.