Disappointment

As I write this I don't' actually think I could feel worse. Last night I was full of energy from an amazing weekend with a group of amazing young Christians. Over this past weekend I have made a huge decision that has made me feel so calm about the future. I have talked to a number of people this weekend who are strong powerful and experienced Christians who have listened to me and been available for me to talk my worries out with. Through these discussions I have had a clearness of mind and a clarity of vision brought to me.

All of this sounds good, so why am I feeling so bad? The reason is that there is one step I need to take, one thing I need to do that will confirm I am ready to accept what it is I am supposed to do. It sounds very easy, all I need to do is tell one person the plan. The problem is that it is one particular person I need to tell, my Dad. The very thought terrifies me, it had me physically trembling last night just at the thought of it. Everyone who knows me will tell you that I am very rarely quiet, unless I am eating, yet last night I could barely string two words together. I arrived home last night so full of energy, so full of fire and determination to do what I needed to. Yet when it came down to it I sat shaking unable to say a word.

I tried looking in the Bible for verses to bolster my courage hoping that it would inspire me to go do what I need to do. While the verses I found did not instantly swell my chest and send me marching to do my set task they have helped build me up a little and I'm hoping they will resonate within me growing my courage until I can stand in front of the world (and my Dad) and announce the plans I intend to follow. The verses were;

Deuteronomy 31:6
    "Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you."

Joshua 1:9
    Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."

Daniel 10:19
    He said, 'Don't be afraid, friend. Peace. Everything is going to be all right. Take courage. Be strong.'
    "Even as he spoke, courage surged up within me. I said, 'Go ahead, let my master speak. You've given me courage

The step I need to take will begin a new life for me, it will take me down a route I have for years tried to avoid. I know that it is what I will do, of that I have no doubt, but when seems to be the issue. I know that this step will put me further into the Fathers hands and that the enemy will not like that, and that the enemy will do everything he can to prevent this from happening. I need the Lords help, and if you are willing, your prayerful support. It is fear that is holding me back, not fear of the future or fear of the plan. But fear of disappointing my Dad, the man who has supported me for my whole life both financially and emotionally. Everyone I have spoken to has told me that my Dad will be happy and supportive of the plan, yet fear still grips me.

At the end of this blog I feel so much better than I did when I began writing. Seeing it all on my screen written down in front of me brings me comfort as I know that at least some of the people reading this will have been through similar trials and know how I feel. I know that there are prayers being said for me about this issue and that fills me with a sense of loving support. I know this will be resolved in the right way, and soon, but getting there has been and is a trial like non I have been through before. I am going to leave you with one of my favourite verses written by Paul, it's humble simplicity is something we should all aim for.

Ephesians 6:19
    And don't forget to pray for me. Pray that I'll know what to say and have the courage to say it at the right time

Please pray for me, that I may have the courage to do what the Lord asks of me, that I may be everything He wants me to be. I pray that I find the strength and courage soon to follow God wherever He leads, whenever He calls.

New Job

Ok, so I told you guys about the job offer I received last week. I have been waiting anxiously all week to hear news about it. I had no idea when I would start, when I would get to go see the place or really anything much about it. But today I had a phone call from the centre manager who asked me if it would be possible for me to go in tomorrow to meet people and look around the place. In addition to this I have been told that I will start on Monday too. I am very excited about this because I have had nothing much to do for about 4 months now which has been slowly driving me insane. It is also an opportunity to expand my skills into a new area, and hopefully a chance to grow as a Christian. Although it is not the field in which I am qualified in it is something that is likely to be of more use to me in the future with the direction I seem to be heading in. Even though there is all this feeling of excitement I am also nervous and apprehensive. It is an environment I know nothing about and as such I am kind of going in to it blind. I don't really know much about what I will be doing or the sort of people I will be working with. Without a shadow of a doubt this job is the right thing for me at this moment in time and will help
guide me towards the path I should be walking. The Bible verse that was in my mind before the interview has again been running round in my mind;

Joshua 3:5
Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things

I am not sure what these amazing things maybe but I trust that the Lord will always be working in my life. I am going to end this post a little differently to usual and ask a question, I would love to hear your answers.

What amazing things is the Lord doing in your life right now?

Job Interview

Well things are a little bit different today than I was expecting. A job interview I was going for tomorrow has been changed to today. The job in itself is not a huge deal, it is something I am over qualified for, will find fairly easy to do and in an environment I have been around since I was a child. Yet it is the significance of the change that is having the bigger impact on me. A number of my friends have also been looking for jobs, and to be honest I have been quite lazy and off putting when it came to actually looking. One of my favourite lines for my friends finding it difficult to get a job was "do you expect God to just send you a job offer in the post?" I mean sure if He wanted to that would not be beyond His power, but God doesn't work like that, he wants us to learn on our journey with Him and uses many opportunities to teach us. If we want a job sure we should pray for one but we should get out there looking for it too. Yet this job did appear from nowhere for me, at first I was told by my minister to apply for it, but then I went away for a music festival and didn't get round to it. Then when she asked if I had applied and told her no, she said it was ok since I already had an interview for it if I turned up. So now after not looking for a job, and then not applying for a job I have a job interview this afternoon. As I said the possible change in direction is really what is significant for me, I have spent the last 6 or 7 years at least working hard and getting the qualifications to become a scientist. I have been pushing myself hard in my studies in order to be the best at what I do. Yet this job is in a Church working with the community where my skills as a scientist will almost certainly not be required. I have been asking for help in deciding what direction I should be taking my life in, where I should be going to follow God's path for me. Is this the answer? Should I abandon years of work and qualifications? Well its in God's hands now, last night I prayed that he would help me in my choice, if I do not get offered the job my path lies in being a scientist, however if I am offered the job my path lies down another road. Shortly after this I was checking on my blog page and noticed the Bible quote of the day which was;

Joshua 3:5 – Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things

I am not sure what these amazing things will be but I am confident that whatever they are they will be the best for me.