I'm a Christian, But......

Before I start this post I want to put out this disclaimer. I do not claim now and have never claimed to be a shining light of Christian purity. I would willingly admit that I often get things wrong and that I have made many mistakes past, present and likely in the future too. I also know that I myself am far from sinless despite my best efforts to be what I should be as a Christian.

Ok now I have said that I feel an awful lot happier about the rant I am about to go on. The thing I want to talk about is Christians who push themselves into positions of influence and set themselves up as supposed good examples who knowingly live in unchristian ways.

I doubt it is only me who has trouble with people who seek out positions of influence and power in the Church for their own means and then go on to act in thoroughly unchristian ways. I can't help but think that a at least part of the problems we have in the Church are in some way connected to the bad examples of leaders who are not there for God. In this I mean the people who need to be in these positions of power and influence for their own gratification and own purposes. These people who then go on to continue to act in worldly ways with inappropriate behaviour, gossiping and spreading rumours. This poison then permeates its way through Churches, in fact The Church infecting people further setting poor examples to those young or weak in the faith who perhaps then see this as acceptable behaviour.

As I said in the disclaimer, I do not believe myself to be an example of what a Christian should be, far from it. To be honest I would be willing to admit I fall far short of where I should be as a Christian many times. But without then trying to make myself sound any better, I do not claim to be a perfect example, I do not pretend to be anything but a sinful man daily asking the Lord for forgiveness. I pray that Christians would see the sin in their own lives, the gossiping, rumour spreading and general sinful behaviour and acknowledge it. By acknowledging it they can not only confront it and attempt to drive it from their lives but also show others that while sin is not ok or acceptable it is going to happen. Show that by having a relationship with Jesus and asking for forgiveness we can grow as Christians and in faith.

These people know that what they are doing is wrong, unchristian and hurtful, they know they are causing pain to those they wrong and who they gossip about. Rumours based on idle speculation, conjuncture and wild fantasy that they spread cause a level of hurt that is known only to the individual and the Father. When friends turn on friends and say things that are hurtful or cause situations where the truth is either veiled or hidden purposely for their own gain. When friends manipulate circumstances to gain an advantage over friends all of these things are a source of the pain that Christ felt upon the cross.

Paul's letters to the early Church talk about situations we still see today, brothers and sisters in Christ are still acting in ways that are far from Christlike and in ways we have be warned and instructed not to act. We are all going to sin, we are all going to make mistakes but I can't help but think that these people are claiming to be followers of Christ but have not accepted the Spirit, have not accepted Christ's forgiveness and are not following the two greatest commandments.

Matthew 22:36-40
When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: "Teacher, which command in God's Law is the most important?"
Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them."

Love the unlovable

1 Thessalonians 5:15 (NLT)

     See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.

Matthew 5:38-39 (NLT)

     “You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.

Levictus 19:18 (NLT)
     “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against a fellow Israelite, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

Mark 12:31 (NLT)
     The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’No other commandment is greater than these.

These four verses have been so close the the front of my mind today. I have said many times at work that I know that I should love the people I work with through my job, but if only they wouldn't make it so hard. Simply said I have had a tough day at work, it started with my being late and just went down hill from there.

I don't want to dwell on the facts of today and there isn't much I can say due to the nature of the work that I do but the thoughts it has raised in my mind I feel are worth talking about. It has come to my attention over the last two days that in the job I do, working with the homeless and addicts, I am often at a fair amount of personal risk. At any moment these people could fly off the handle and cause considerable harm to myself or my colleagues. Time and again I am let down by their actions and behaviour and will be many more times in the future. Yet day after day I go into work with the desire and enthusiasm to make a difference and to help. 

The thing that keeps me going, the reason I can go in day after day, especially after a couple of terrible days is that I know this is what God wants us all to do. He wants us to love the unloved, to help them and through showing them this love they will see that the Holy Spirit is in us and that God too loves them, and in a way much better than the way we love them.

But that is the problem, a lot of these people really are unlovable at times, they do and say things that cause you pain in one way or another and at times do everything they can to drive everyone away. Some people actually do not want to be loved, do not want help and certainly do not want to change, at least on the surface. Deep down I believe we all have a desire to find God and to be loved, it is something I believe is inbuilt into humans.

Even so, when Christ came to earth He loved without measure or boundaries, He helped indiscriminately and despite the fact He was let down in the most painful and terrible way He continued to love us all. I know that we are not Christ, that we will never be like Christ, but to try is surely pleasing in His eye. I pray daily for the strength to continue to work with these people who seem humanly unlovable, who try their best to push everyone away. 

As a friend reminded me the other day, not everyone who is unloved who is lost or in need of the Lord is homeless, I just have a passion for them as it is what God is calling me to do right now. But we are all surrounded by people who need us to bring the light of Jesus into their lives, there are people in all walks of life who need to see us living our Christian lives and have this light in their lives. The unloved and lost are all around us, they are crying out for something, they just don't see that it is Christ.

See that as a Christian you love your neighbour, that you try to do good to all who cross your path. We need to realise that revenge, even in out own minds is not acceptable behaviour. 

Love your neighbour.

Do good to each other.

Do not seek revenge.

Turn the other Cheek.

Follow the teachings from God and follow the examples of Christ, for these teachings and examples are perfection. If we do these things and pray for the strength to follow them daily them the life we are living will be good and pleasing to God. To live a life pleasing to God, what greater thing could you do?

Lean on me

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me...

          (Bill Withers)

While out yesterday I heard this song playing and although I know this song well I decided to look up the lyrics and read through them. While I was doing this I also looked to find out what it was Bill Withers had to say about the song itself too. 

As far as I can gather the song has no Christian connotations or meanings and is simply a song about friendship. It is a song about friends being there for one another in times of need, it is about how friends provide comfort and support for each other in times of need. But when I got to the third verse I could not help but be struck by the wording;

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

If there is a load you have to bear? Now where have I heard that before?

Psalm 55:22
     Pile your troubles on God's shoulders-
          he'll carry your load, he'll help you out.

I talked about how our relationship with God is that of a parent and young child yesterday, our relationship with Jesus is not the same as the one we have with God, it is different and has a different dynamic. With Jesus we have a friendship, a true selfless loving friendship;

John 15:15 (NIV)
     I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Jesus called us His friends, He had the power to come in and rule the world as His personal Kingdom, He had the power to take the world and do as He would with it. And He did, but not in the way that mankind would, He took the world and made us His friends, we who could and should have been His slaves, He made in to friends. 

This is an amazing thing, Jesus, the son of God, the King of Kings, Lord of all, the Word through which all that was made, was made, He wants to be our friend. I know I harped on about this the other day about mind blowing moments, but walking with Christ is full of mind blowing moments, and my mind is blown yet again by this thought. Just consider for a moment, God is our Father and Jesus is our Friend, if we recognise and accept this then we should realise that we truly are a blessed people and nothing, not even the enemy can stand in our way.

Lean on God when you're not strong,

Jesus will be your friend,

They will help you carry on,

For it wont be long,

Until you're gonna need

Jesus to lean on.

Time with friends

Today I spent some time with some of my good friends and had a good long conversation with one of them. This conversation was not an easy one as my friend as always brought up some challenging points and wouldn't let me get off with vague or part answers. Now it is not that she was purposely making it difficult for me or she was asking tough questions just for the sake of it, but she is the only one who asks me these sorts of questions and challenges and pulls me up on things I need to consider or think about.

It was a good conversation about our faiths, our journeys with God and how they are going and how various things are affecting us and our journeys. After eating and consuming a large amount of beverages in two separate cafes we wrapped things up for the day, but there was so much that came up in the conversation that I really need to think about and act on.

These points are ones that I have possibly made before and am likely to mention many more times as I battle through them and try and move on with my life. These are the last of the unresolved hang overs from my last relationship and how it is likely to affect the relationships I am in and possible relationships in the future. Also the point of have I really made the changes I think I have made for the benefit in my life such as being more honest and open with both the people around me and myself. One of the big points raised was how I am dealing with the fact that in essence the life I was aiming for and thought I would have is now no longer a possibility and have I dealt with the anger that could possibly be being repressed over this (my friend says I said I was angry but I have no recollection of uttering the words).

Altogether it was an interesting and valuable conversation that as I think about it over the coming days I will hopefully be able to come up with some answers. But until then I think I am going to leave it open and come back to the points individually once I have digested them in my own time, until then though hope you have a good day and please check out the rest of my posts.

All that I am

People may know that I am currently in a running battle with my Dad about me choosing to take a wild change in career to follow what I believe God is calling me to do. Because of this we are both looking for opportunities to push our points home and win small victories. This weekend I score a victory in the mission to win my Dad over to my point of view.

It was when the choir in our Church sang a song called All that I am;

(Chorus)
All that I am,
All I can be,
All that I have,
All that is me,
Accept and use Lord,
As You would choose Lord,
Right now today.


Take every Passion,
Take every skill,
Take all my dreams,
And bend them to your will,
My all I give Lord,
For You I live Lord,
Come what may.


(Verse)
Often I come with my problems and cares,
Running to you when distressed,
But I must give You the whole of my life,
Lord I must give You my best.


(Chorus)

(Verse)

Life has no purpose unless it is yours,

Life without you has no goal,

All that fulfils me is doing your will,

Knowing that Your in control.

(Chorus)

                             (William Himes)

I don't know how many people outside of the Salvation Army will have heard this song, but it is one of my favourites and is possibly one of the most beautiful songs I have ever had the privilege of singing or listening to. There is a beautiful but tragic story behind the song which has caused there to be a haunting melody to this song which in my opinion makes it even more powerful as for me I feel that you can sense the presence of God within it. The composer wrote this song as his wife was dying of cancer as a way to help himself cope and try to make sense of what was happening in his life and the loss he was preparing for. I think it speaks volumes for the faith of William Himes that he was able to write such a powerful song about serving God in such a dark time.

There are two lines in particular which resonate deeply within me every time I sing or hear these words and I have highlighted them above. "But I must give You the whole of my life, Lord I must give you my best". The reason these words resonate with me and why they have helped in the disagreement with my Dad about the direction my life is taking is that I have a couple of options with what to do with my life. 

On the one hand I could go out in to the world and continue in the career I have begun and become a wealthy and potentially a well known scientist. With this route comes security and a clear direction and progression into the future, I would be in control of my life and would be able to support my family so that they would have no worries in life any more. 

The other is to follow a calling which is only getting stronger the more I think about and consider it. In following the direction I believe God is calling me would require turning away from 8 years of education, a significant financial investment and any control over where my life would lead. In this option I would go where I was sent, when I was sent and would earn only a tiny fraction of what I could following the other option.

However God keeps teaching me that money is not important and that when I need it the financial aspect of things will be taken care of. He keeps showing me time and again that if only I trust in Him he will make sure that I want for and need nothing. Also if I am to give God the whole of my life and my best then surely I must give Him them now.

My Dad's argument is not that I should not follow God's calling, but that I should go and work in science for a few years, earn and save a decent chunk of money and then follow God's calling. And while on the surface of it this sounds sensible, it is not following what God is saying, it is not giving my all and my best and it surely is not relying on God to provide all things as He has promised. It may be hard, it will surely be a challenge but I know that if I trust in Him I will make it through, if I trust on His goodness and Grace there will be nothing too big to get through. Hopefully through my actions and faith my Dad can learn that he does not need to do everything on His own and that trusting in God is a more viable option than relying on oneself. 

Advent Challenge Day 20

This challenge is now complete, please feel free to browse all of the 

completed tasks via the Advent Challenge tab.

Support a Christmas appeal. There is one appeal that I support every year without fail, The Salvation Army Christmas Appeal.As someone who was raised in The Salvation Army it is something that I have always felt strongly about, and even when I was not a part of the Church I still actively supported the Christmas Appeal.

Both through personal donations and playing with the band every winter I do my part in supporting the local Salvation Army in raising money towards the charity work this organisation does. I always fills me with a sense of pride and privilege when ever I see people collecting for the same appeal or when I see the TV ad campaigns.

Also with working in the area where this sort of fund raising goes I have come to a much greater appreciation of what these efforts are for, who is helped by this money and the reactions that it creates. Seeing first hand the sorts of changes it can make has given me an even greater appreciation of what these efforts actually mean in real terms.

I know some people may call cheat on this task as they may claim it is something I would have done and supported anyway with or without the task. However to complete this task was somewhat of a challenge for me. Being slightly incapacitated this week with an agonising neck and shoulder injury causing me to take the week off work sick to complete this task caused me a fair bit of suffering. Standing playing carols in the freezing weather with snow on the ground with constant pain from my shoulder was not easy, and I could have easily skipped it or gone home early. But I did not, and I played with good cheer for the two hours we were out, after all some things are just worth the effort.

The task which is next in the Advent challenge is task number 10. Pray for those who find Christmas difficult. Check back tomorrow to see how this task goes, until then, Merry Christmas.

A visit to the doctors

I am a lucky person, lucky in the sense that I very rarely get ill. I have in the past had many times I have needed to go to the doctors or the hospital but mostly that has been for other people or through my many self inflicted injuries. But today I had to bite the bullet and go to the doctors, after nearly 4 days in pain I could not go any longer without sleep and being off work again is driving me insane.

But life is never quite that simple, last night everyone in my house came down with a bug, lovingly shared by my elder brother and his family, which meant that getting to the doctors now was going to be a lot more of an effort. But regardless I made it there, after half an hour managed to get registered at the surgery since my GP was still in the city where I studied at university, and I waited. It was like waiting for an eternity, feeling absolutely rotten, surrounded by ill people who all seemed to be staring at me for being an outsider even though I grew up in this small town.

Eventually I managed to see a doctor who after some time checking stupid things like my breathing, stupid because I went to him with an injured neck not respiratory problems, he finally began to prod and poke at my neck. After subjecting me to a series of examinations which I personally believe would have been covered by the Geneva convention due to their agonising outcomes he told me what I already knew. "Sir, you have a sore neck", well I never would have guessed that, and it took you 5 years at university to be able to work out these things? But anyway, he gave me some strong pain killers/anti inflammatory pills and told me to come back next week if the pain persists. Not a great help but I am hoping that the pain pills work and that I will not have to return to be subjugated to the painful examinations again.

This is all well and good, but why have I decided to share this story with you guys on here, it has nothing to do with the theme and usual content of the blog. Well the reason is twofold, firstly I wanted to rant about this and no one in my home is well enough to listen, and secondly there is a further part to this story.

The further part actually comes before I saw the doctor. While sitting in the waiting room there was a lady sitting next to me who began talking to me. After a short conversation we discovered we were both "outsiders" I have lived away for a long time and she only moved here 9 years ago, yes she is still considered an outsider, it is that sort of town. But in the course of the conversation I was able to tell her about the work that I do and my  membership of my Church, I was able to talk to her about not only the work I am doing now, but the work I feel God is calling me to. I love the opportunities God throws in our paths when we are least expecting it, yes we can be sitting in a doctors waiting room feeling like death warmed up in absolute agony, by that should not diminish our love for God or our joy at being His child. I hope I managed to be a good example of a Christian for that woman and that it will make her think about God and His place in her life, you never know what God can do with even such small seeds.

Advent Challenge Day 15

This challenge is now complete, please feel free to browse all of the 

completed tasks via the Advent Challenge tab.

Yesterday the task I completed was to pray for someone lonely this Christmas. This task for me is quite personal as the person who I have chosen to pray for is my Grandma. This year has not been an easy one, and especially not for Grandma. This will be the first Christmas my Grandma will be having on her own, yes she will be surrounded by family, yes she will have people there all the time, but it is the first Christmas without Grandad there too.

It has been hard on my Grandma to adjust to being on her own now, as someone who cared for my Grandad for many years she often finds herself at a lose end and not knowing what to do. Christmas has always been a busy time of year for us with lots of things happening in our Church and with our family. But for many varied reasons this year has been exceptionally quiet and there has not been much to be getting on with. Because of this my family and specifically my Grandma have been finding it difficult to get in to the Christmas spirit and enjoy the season.

I have prayed that my Grandma and my family find a sense of peace this Christmas through Jesus, that they can remember the good times spent with the family we have lost this year and not find ourselves wallowing in grief. But I prayed not only for my family, but all families, all friends, all parents, all children, anyone who has lost someone this year. I pray that although they will never forget their loved ones that it will become easier for them to remember the times they enjoyed together and know that one day we will all be reunited together in God's glory.

The task which I will be attempting to do today is task number 23. Read Isaiah 9:1-7. Please check back tomorrow to see how this task goes and my thoughts on it. But until then, Merry Christmas.

A day of agony

This morning when I awoke I was unable to move without causing myself extreme and agonising pain. It took me almost two hours to get out of bed this morning but only after I had taken fistfuls of pain killers an a fair bit of assistance from my brother. I am no stranger to pain having broken a number of bones and had plenty of injuries of various kinds in the past, amongst my friends I am known to be extremely injury prone. But today is quite possibly the most pain I have ever been in.

I am not writing this to complain about the pain or to seek sympathy, I am writing today about what the pain has made me think about. Bearing this pain today has been very difficult for me, I would love to say I have born it with good grace but I have spent the day complaining about it to my family and making sure everyone around me is aware of my pain.

In reality though the pain I have had today is really not all that bad, well for me it is, but our Lord had to deal with so much more than a sore neck. When he allowed himself to be taken and flogged, then crucified the pain he experienced would have been many many times greater than what I have had today. However this pain has made me consider what it is that Jesus went through for me, how much he suffered so that I could be forgiven and saved from the wrath of God.

It might sound strange but I am actually glad for the pain I have been in today. I am glad that through the pain I have been made to think about Jesus and his suffering. I don't pretend to think that this pain is anywhere near comparable to the suffering He went through or that by suffering this way I can understand anything about His suffering. But by the small amount of suffering I have been through I have come to appreciate how much I must mean to Him that he would go through so much for me. I mentioned to one of my friends over the weekend that I hope that in the future I can always look at the situation I am in and think what is God trying to teach me through this. I hope that I have learned the lesson that comes with this pain and will continue to learn what I need to when I need to. With a bit of luck the pain will end soon, but as long as it lasts I pray that I can handle it with better grace than I have so far.

Loneliness

Last night I was sitting doing some thinking about the future. The result of this was that I managed to get myself slightly depressed. This is mainly because I am feeling quite lonely at the moment. I live a long way from my friends at the moment, I have few people to talk to here where I live and no one at the moment who I feel I can call on whenever I need someone. The other thing is that I am very aware that the path my life is taking means that this is not going to change for the better any time soon. In fact it is most probably going to get worse.

I know this sounds a lot like self pity, and in a certain sense it probably is. I also know that the times I feel like this are moments when I am about to make significant steps in the direction God wants me to go. I am aware that the enemy is going to do everything he can to put me off following God, trying to put me off folloing the plan for my life. The thing is, although I know these feelings are the result of an attack I also know there is an element of truth in them which makes them that bit more powerful. I am not naturally someone who enjoys being isolated and alone. I do like to have my space from time to time but I love being surrounded by friends and loved ones.

I know that whatever my lot in life I should be happy in it, I have a lot more than most people. Although I have been through some rough patches I have sailed through life relatively unscathed. I know that I will receive everything in life that I need at the time that I need it and that I need to wait with patience. But patience is something that I'm struggling with at the moment. I want to run headlong into these plans and want everything now. I have been told by a few people now that I should take some time to reflect on things and proceed prayerfully, and I know they are right. But just because I know that that is the way I should be does not change the fact that I am an impatient person.

I know that life will turn out for the best if I just hand it over to Him. I know that no matter what my thought and feelings about the plan are it is infinitely better than any plan that I could come up with. Patience is a virtue, or so I am told, and it is something that I need to work hard on to develop. I know these feelings will go away in the next few days, but it does not mean that because I know this they will be easier to deal with. I know God will help me battle these daemons and together we will overcome, until then I just need to pray for strength.

Interesting Conversation

Well today has felt like a very long day at work, it wasn't but it sure felt like it. The day always seems to drag on forever when you have nothing to do, and today was no exception to that rule. Time flies past when you have a lot to do, today was no exception in that rule either.

All day I had practically nothing to do, I caught up with paper work, wrote reports and generally tidied up my work area. I really struggled to find things to do today, right up until my last half hour. Then it seemed as if I had become Mr Popular, everyone wanted me to do something, needed me to do a job or was desperate to chat to me about something. Eventually I managed to get round to finishing all these tasks and had only one thing left to do. I was already half an hour past my home time but one of the residents really wanted to talk.

So I sat down with this resident to talk not knowing quite what it was about.The gentleman in question had an amazing story to tell and some good questions he asked. I heard all about his long term drug addiction, his battle to overcome it, his family situation and personal life. The most amazing part of the conversation was this gentleman telling me about his faith.

After a bad experience with his addiction last week he had prayed for relief. He was in a pit of deep despair and in desperation he called out to the Lord to help. I was told of how he had received almost instant relief and had not touched any drugs since. Now in my short time working with these people I have had experiences of residents telling all sorts of nonsense in order to get staff onside for their own purposes. But this situation was different.

This gentleman who for weeks I have been trying to get to bathe, clean and tidy his room came to me in freshly laundered clothes having been recently bathed. Not only that he has cleared his room and requested the equipment in order to clean his room.

I was amazed at this gentleman's desire to know the Lord, his desire to change his life, to become everything he should be. However I was more amazed that after a 20+ year drug addiction he is experiencing absolutely no withdrawal symptoms after nearly 2 weeks without using.

Our God is a powerful and amazing God, a loving and forgiving God. I really hope this gentleman is serious about letting God into his life and that he continues to take these steps in the right direction. I was able to point him in the direction of people much stronger and more experienced in the faith than myself for him to talk to further. However I made him aware that I am available to talk to him further about this if he needs a friendly ear. I will be praying for this resident that he is able to continue on this path, the one that he sees before him and is trying to walk on. If any of you would pray for him also I know it will help, thanking you in advance for all your prayers.

We will remember them

They went with songs to the battle, they were young.
Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.
     Laurence Binyon's

Today marks the 92nd anniversary of the end of the fist world war. The Great war as it was called, the war that would bring peace to our time. Or so people thought. And yet here we are nearly a century on still fighting wars the world over.

My Paternal Grandfather was born not long after the end of WWI and lived through the troubled times of the aftermath and then WWII. During WWII his job at the coal face was deemed too important for him to fight yet the stories he has of the war on the home front were still chilling and poignant. My other Grandfather however was an RAF engineer, working on Spitfires and Hurricanes during WWII. Keeping these planes flying was of paramount importance in England surviving the war.

In these wars and the many that followed it many people have lost their lives fighting for freedom and as the politicians claim "peace". Yet still we fight on. Yes on a day like today we should remember the servicemen who have served, who have fallen or been injured fighting for their country. The job they do is one that requires bravery and courage. We should not only remember the soldiers though, we should remember everyone involved. Be they support staff or civilians, these wars impinge on many many lives, even those not directly involved. The families of soldiers left behind at home or left bereaved by wars. We should remember everyone affected by war and the problems it causes.

But we should not forget the hope that was held throughout all this time, peace. It is an aim worth holding on to, an aim as Christians we should strive daily towards. For it is not by war that we will achieve peace, but through love. Jesus commanded us to love thy neighbour, and we are more than aware that by neighbour Jesus meant our fellow man. We need to remember that we are all God's creations, that He loves us all. Let's show our love to everyone, lets strive for the peace that this can bring.

Matthew 19:26 (NIV)
     Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them.

What does Jesus mean to you?

This is an incredibly personal question and it is going to be different for pretty much everyone. I am not sure how well it will work but I have had an idea for something to try with this post. The Church I am a member of has a tradition of testimonies, where members of the congregation will stand up and talk about how Christ has and is working in their lives. I would love it if people would do something similar with this post. My idea is that anyone who wants to can write a post using the same title and in the same vein as this post and then link them back to each other. I think this would be a great exercise to see how Jesus is working around the world in many different lives and lifestyles.

Well to start off let me tell you a bit about myself. I am 24 years old and I am currently living in the north of England with my parents. It hasn't always been so great though.

My childhood was great, I had everything I could ever ask for, I had loving parents and was brought up in a warm and welcoming Christian Church. School bored me but somehow I always managed to come away with the highest results and once I finished it was off to University for me.

For me this is really where I consider that my life began, for the first time in my life I was living away from home doing what I wanted. I had decided to study Physics at Uni for two reasons, the first was that I was very good at it, the second is that it annoyed a lot of people back home. I say I had a happy childhood and that the Church I grew up in was warm and welcoming, but I never felt any attachment to it other than family ties. Because I had no relationship with God at this point in my life I felt no desire or reason to stay in the Church. Subsequently I stopped attending and fell into some bad habits.

My first day at Uni so easily could have been the beginning of an epic love story, within 5 minutes of arriving at my induction I had met a beautiful girl and fallen head over heels in love. After a short chat and an impromptu pub date we arranged to go on our first real date. Everything went really well, date followed date, we spent all our time together and within weeks we had realised we were falling for each other quite hard. In meeting this girl I also had some great excuses to avoid going home and attending Church. We spent as much time as we could together and if that meant not seeing my family or going to Church then it was a price I was willing to pay.

Over the next 2 years things just kept getting better, we had done the meet the parents thing, moved in together and were in our minds very happy. And so we began planning for the future, if we were going to be together I would have to meet her whole family and that meant travelling abroad. So we packed our things and flew half way around the world to meet her whole family. Again things went well, I was accepted into the family and had an amazing time relaxing and being a tourist. And just before I left to go home again, we got engaged.

We knew our families would not be happy about this as we were still at uni and had a lot of work to do in order to graduate. So we decided to wait to tell people until we were finished Uni, we were together, we were happy, waiting was no problem at all.

My partner had been ill for most of the time we were together and I did a lot to look after her and unfortunately on our return to the UK she became worse. This period of time tried my patience, tested my love and drove me to breaking point a number of times. But each time we would get through it and become stronger for it.

That was until she gradually started to feel better. With her illness my partner had dropped out of Uni and wanted to study something different, something where she could make a difference to people. So off she went back to uni and she seemed very happy. Also at about the same time we were both laid off by the company that had employed us and we took on new jobs working for a brewery. With everything that had changed we had very little time with each other but we knew it would only be for one more year.

The stress however began to tell and with her recovering health my partner was evolving into a new person. And although we could both see it neither of us wanted to admit we were growing apart. After over 4 years my partner decided enough was enough, she had met someone else and wanted to move on.

This was possibly the hardest moment of my life so far for me, I had lost everything. I had no relationship with my family, no house to live in, no partner and I had no friends in the city in which I lived. This was possibly the lowest I have ever felt. The one thing left in my life was the job working for the brewery, and that only made my troubles worse.

So tail between my legs I went home, and moved back in with my parents. I still wanted nothing to do with the Church and spent as little time with my family as I could. I spent all my time working and mourning what I had lost. My family knew there was a problem and quickly worked out that I needed help. However I refused any and all help, I just didn't care anymore.

The one positive that came out of that summer is that my Mum dragged me to Church every Sunday. I ignored everything there though and just played on my DS or phone. However slowly I began to pay attention, at first to the music, then the words and eventually the sermons themselves.

So that summer came and went and it was time for me to return to finish my last year at Uni. I found myself a small flat to live in and went back with the aim of rebuilding my life. If only it was so easy to do that. Time and again one after the other I was dealt body blows that would be difficult to get over. I lost my job, lost all but 1 of my friends and had the spectre of my ex hanging round constantly.

However the first weekend I moved back to Uni I found myself sat in a Church. I had no intention of going at all, I just wanted a walk to clear my head, yet there I was. I instantly felt at home, accepted and welcome. It sounds sad but it was one of the best feelings of my life. Over time this Church became like my family, I have a lot of friends there and it is still one of the places where I feel my happiest and most comfortable. Since I began attending there my life has picked up. In fact it is better now than it has ever been, I am truly happy, from the inside out.

So much has happened since then and most of it is documented here in this blog or will likely be in the future. And if I talk about it all this blog post would become an even bigger monster than it is.

But why is all this relevant to the question I asked?

The answer is simply that Jesus saved me.

And its not just in the spiritual sense of the born again Christian. Jesus took me from the darkest place and held me. He showed me love, peace and happiness. He showed me there was a life worth living. I don't think many people know quite how far I fell or how hard it has been to get back on top and start living again. But Jesus does, and it was by His strength that I made it back. In this brief overview I have missed a great deal out that has little bearing on the main point of the story. I fell and Jesus lifted me higher. Many times during my time at Uni I was involved in sinful activities and evil ways. But Jesus saved me from that sin too.

Jesus gave me my life back and gave me a reason to live. A reason to wake up in the morning and get out of bed. And because of this I want Him to have the whole of my life. It is not mine and has never been, even if I thought otherwise. He has just entrusted me with it for a time. He wants me for a task and now I want to go do it. All because Jesus is everything to me. I am not perfect and don't always do what is right, but I sure do try to and I want to follow His plans for me.

I hope this has not been too long or depressing for people, but I hope you take it for what it is. If you want to join in my experiment do not feel you have to write a huge post. Just write what Jesus means to you, if you want to include why then that is great too.. I hope people do join in with this, if you do please send me the link as a comment or on jerrathorn@gmail.com so that I can post it below. All I ask in return is that you link to this post in your response, thanks.

Check out the people who have already posted on this title.

Moving on.......... at last

Today at work I had two very interesting conversations with two very different people, an old friend who is a colleague and my manager. They were both about very different things but both conversations made me realise just how far I have come in 18 or so months.

I will start with the second conversation, the one with my friend. This was probably the most important of the two conversations for me as it helped show me something I have been waiting to happen for some time. Today I reminisced and laughed about my past without it hurting. I was able to talk about everything from my past and remember it for what it was, laugh about the mistakes and came away feeling great. It was only after the conversation that I realised the significance of the conversation. Now looking back I can see that this day has been coming for a little while as I have been able to be more open about things that happened. I still remember the pain and the hurt I felt in June 09 and right through that summer but at last the pain is just that, a memory. People keep telling me that after such a long relationship getting used to it being over and life being different is going to take some time but for me it has been a long road that I wish had been a lot shorter. Saying that tonight I do feel so much more ready to move on than I have.

Which brings us to the significance of the other conversation I had today. It was just an informal chat about life and my future plans with my manager as we were having a cup of tea after we had finished serving at the canteen. And I don't think this conversation would have felt anywhere near as significant if the other conversation had not happened. But the reason this conversation was also quite important is it is the first time I have sat and discussed my future plans with a level of seriousness. The other success of this conversation is I now know I have someone in a position of power who is willing to give me the references I need to move on to my next task on the path I have been set.

So with only one hurdle left to get over to move these plans forward officially now. Unfortunately as usually happens it is the hurdle that I feel will be hardest to get over that is last. The main reason for this is that I have left it to last because it is so hard. I know I can get over it, but I want to take a run up to it before I commit to jumping. But as my title suggests, I am moving on, at last.

Listening

It is amazing what you can hear if you are listening. It is even more amazing what you sometimes hear when you are not. This beautiful photo is in my opinion one of the best I have ever taken, and it has a great story behind it. 2 years ago while in Hong Kong with my then girlfriend we were visiting Victoria Peak. It is beautiful up there and is a place that is now tinged with sadness for me, however that is another story.

Anyway while up there looking over the amazing city panorama and soaking in the atmosphere we went for a little wander. All of a sudden I heard a beautiful piece of bird song, in the bustle and noise of the city to me it sounded crystal clear. I mentioned this to the people I was with and they told me I was mad, there was no way I could hear a bird singing above the noise. Undeterred and trusting my ears I wandered towards the sound and after walking only a short distance I came upon a quiet area clear of people. It was then that I saw this beautiful bird just sitting singing away. I took several photos and even managed to film it for sometime before I was found and the bird disturbed. The people I was with were amazed that I had heard the bird from over 100m away and pinpointed its location. I explained to them that being a country boy I was used to hearing birds regularly and the absence of bird song for me was unusual. That because my ears were tuned to listening to bird song I could detect it amongst all the drones of the city.

This does not just work for birds, we can tune ourselves to listen for many things, don't believe me just drop a coin in the middle of a busy city street and count those that turn around. As Christians we should be tuning ourselves to God, tuning ourselves to listening for Him amongst the noise of the world. When we can do this we will be able to hear God calling to us even when the world is screaming as loud as it can. The way to do this is the same way I leaned to hear bird song, by spending time surrounded by it. If we emerge ourselves in God's presence as often as we can, on a regular basis we will become more tuned to hearing His voice.

This photo brings back such memories for me, possibly one of the most enjoyable holidays I ever had. And yet when I look at this photo I now feel only sadness of a life and a love lost. But God works through all things and I love the fact that God can teach us lessons when we least expect them and using things we would never think of. Like I said I love this photo for the amazing memory it holds for me and the lesson that it taught me, but it also reminds me of another lesson I had to learn too, and that hurts. Even so I know God can bring joy from sadness and I look forward to seeing how that works out for me in the future.

Untitled

I just could not think of a name to give this post. No matter what I thought of it just didn't seem right. To be honest I am not quite sure how to start this blog either.

Today I was at a funeral. I never met the man and I know almost nothing about him at all. It was exceptionally sad and I am not ashamed to admit I was almost brought to tears at a number of points. There were very few people at the funeral and for me that made the sadness of the ceremony more poignant. During the whole service I could not take my eyes of the man's son, he looked to be only about 10. This young boy at such a young age has been through so much, a broken home and losing his dad to drugs. I was amazed by this young boy as he led the funeral precession walking in front of the hearse and then leading the coffin in to the chapel.

While sitting through the funeral I thought about all the evil in this world, all the senseless and needless hurt and destruction. I thought of how many people are hurting in this world with no knowledge of the Saviour who came to die for them. How many people die without ever knowing how much Jesus could do for them. Not only that but how many people out there have lost someone close and have no consolation from our Heavenly Father.

As I sat in the chapel this afternoon I prayed through almost the whole service for the young boy and the father he has lost. I prayed that God would comfort and guide this young boy as he heads into a life without his dad a life which must seem very dark for him right now. But not only that I prayed for the soul of the dead man and the friends of his I accompanied to the service that they may learn from his mistake and try to make positive changes in their lives. Since starting my job working with these people in such need today was easily the hardest so far. And yet am am so glad God has put me in a position where there is so much good to be done, it has not been easy and will not be in the future. But then who said being a Christian would be easy.

Responding no matter what

Isaiah 66:5  
        But listen to what God has to say
            to you who reverently respond to his Word:
        "Your own families hate you
            and turn you out because of me.
        They taunt you, 'Let us see God's glory!
            If God's so great, why aren't you happy?'
        But they're the ones
            who are going to end up shamed."

If God is calling then there is nothing else that you can do and be happy and fulfilled. God made each one of us and He made us for a plan, if we don't follow it we will be going against what we were made to be. Because we are human though there is often doubt in our minds and many things tempt us away from the path. The enemy puts many obstacles in our paths. If we are truly for God then we will follow His commands no matter what, even if your own family ends up hating you. As Christians we will be subject to taunting and attacks prompted by the enemy who is desperate to get us to turn away from God.

No matter what happens in life following God is the best and greatest thing any of us can do. It may not always be nice, it may not always be easy. In the end however you will be rewarded for your loyalty and service when our Saviour welcomes you in to His Father's house.

Leagalism

Ok, I apologise in advance about this post as I am slightly wound up as I write it. I know my attitude right now is not what it should be as a Christian as I know that I am far from perfect myself. But I need to get this off my chest and hope that I can make a useful point at the same time.

So tomorrow I will not be going to my normal Church. The reason for this is that we have guest preachers at our Church tomorrow. Obviously this is not the reason for my non attendance, but who the guest speakers are is. These ministers have connections to both my Church and my family, specifically connected to a distant cousin of mine. This cousin of mine has recently had a baby and has expressed the desire to have him dedicated back to the Church. The visiting preachers are her paternal aunt and uncle and she had thought it may be nice for them to conduct this service of dedication. When they were asked if they would be able to do this they decided that due to the child being born out of wedlock they could not conduct the service due to the rules and regulations in our Church.

Now for me this seems wrong, surely this has nothing to do about the parents. Surely the child has done nothing wrong, why should he be prevented from being dedicated in to God's family.

Matthew 19:14
    But Jesus intervened: "Let the children alone, don't prevent them from coming to me. God's kingdom is made up of people like these."

Surely preventing a child from being accepted into a Church for any reason is wrong. How can any organisation claiming to be for Christ prevent a child from being brought back to Him. Fair enough the child was not born in to a marriage, but he was born to two Christians who due to circumstances have not be able to marry yet but who intend to do so when it is possible. This does not excuse them the fact that child was born out of wedlock, but how can it be right to prevent this innocent child from being dedicated to God.

The next part of the saga is one that upsets me most. Despite the fact that these ministers are the mothers aunt and uncle they did not refuse her directly. Instead they contacted her father, who then phoned her mother to ask her to inform her that they would not do the service. For me this says one thing and one thing only, they can not defend their decision. Surely if they knew the decision was the right one they would have been honest enough to refuse directly. This is a case where someone has followed a rule or regulation despite knowing it is wrong. How did we get to this point where as a Church we can do things we know to be wrong, that scripture tells us is wrong but carry on doing so because our rules say so. This mornings post by God's inspiration has already mentioned the rules Jesus told us to follow, the two He told us were the most important. I don't think this decision is in line with those rules Jesus commanded us to follow.

Further to this I attended a meeting by these ministers today, and bearing in mind the story so far I will tell you the core of the sermon preached.

Matthew 18:5
    What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me.

Now as I already said bearing in mind the story so far is this really a suitable verse to preach on. Have they read this verse themselves. Because surely if this is true then refusing a child is like refusing Christ, and these people are supposed to be ministers for Christ. Not only this but surely preaching on this verse is unnecessarily inflammatory. I don't know whether this is a series of bad judgement calls, lack of thought or if it has been done intentionally. But whatever it is I struggle to understand how this can happen in a Church, the supposed body of Christ.

So tomorrow I am choosing not to attend my usual Church. One of my friends did ask me would it not be better for me to go and confront them about this situation. In an idea world yes this would probably be the best course of action. I however have a notoriously bad temper at times, it is something I am aware of and working on. However knowing I am already angered by this situation I feel it is better for me to remove myself from it to prevent me saying or doing anything unchristian or to make it worse. So instead I will be going to visit my friend in a nearby city and attend Church with them. This will not only get me out of this situation but also allow me to enjoy Church tomorrow. In addition to this I always enjoy attending different Churches to see how other people worship.

Again I apologise for the tone and content of this blog especially if it has upset anyone, that was not the intention of this post. This post is mainly just a way for me to blow off some steam and express my feelings on this subject. However legalism in the Church is something I will hopefully be able to post on soon so watch this space. Check back tomorrow for the update on the Soldier's Challenge.

It's not just God who is calling

I have been thinking about the things I want in life. This is mostly because I have been thinking heavily about my past and my prospective future. I know there are two routes I could take, two very clear and very different routes. I know on the one hand God is calling me to do something very different from what I have been doing in my life so far. And on the other has been the life I thought I wanted, the one I have spent years preparing for. There is the saying that if you are not for God you are against God. And therefore it follows that if you are not working for God then you are working against Him. So I can follow God's calling and do the work He wants me to do or I can go the other way and do what I want.

The thought that triggered this line of logic was one about my past. I was feeling nostalgic again for my past life, wanting what I had and was taken away from me.

Then the thought hit me, the last thing that the enemy wants is for us to follow God's calling in our lives. And so the enemy is calling us, calling us to do anything but what God wants us to do. He knows he can never win the war and so he is doing everything he can to win each battle. He is using everything at his disposal to stop us following God's plan. There is nothing he will not do, nothing he will not try in order to steal us away from God. I wrote a post awhile ago called Why does the enemies side seem so good? and the thing is often it does seem very good. Jesus never promised us an easy life, He never once told us it would be plain sailing. In fact He specifically told us the opposite, that we would be hated and persecuted because we love Him. The enemy plays on this and offers us things in this life that seem good, fun and fulfilling. The truth is though that these things are empty, even good works are empty if they are not done for God and His glory.

So what are we to make of all of this? Are we working against God every time we do something we want, or something that makes us happy now? I think that this is not the case, God does want us to be happy in this life, he does want the best for us. But He also wants us to want to do His will, and that sometimes requires sacrifice. As Christians we are called to be like Jesus. Look at His life, look at the way He lived and acted. It is certainly not an easy life, it is anything but a life chasing worldly joys. Even so we do not need to deny ourselves of every pleasure in life, as long as we know them for what they are. If it is not sinful and done in a God honouring way, and we thank God for it the pleasurable things in life are perfectly acceptable. If this is not the case though it plays right into the enemies hands, and as I said earlier, he will use any advantage he can find.

We often talk about God calling us to service or God's plans, but as Christians these days we often shy away from talk of the enemy. Why is this? Surely the best way to fight an enemy is to know him and be prepared for his attacks. We should be aware of the enemy, be aware of his plans for us. He does not want our salvation or for us to enter Heaven. Every day he will be calling to us, tempting us away from the things we should be doing. Using our desires and worldly dreams to distract us from the path we have been set upon by God.

I am sure there is much doctrine and scripture that I could quote in this post, but to be honest I don not see a need. We know the enemy is evil, we know he hates God. With this hatred comes a desire for him to destroy as much of Gods creation as he can. We can easily read of his ways in the Bible and see his actions in the world. But the greatest weapons we have against him are firstly God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, if we love God, follow Jesus and have the Holy Spirit within us the enemy can not win us. Secondly if we are aware of his desire to steal us from God then we will be aware of his attacks in our lives. When this happens we can then turn to God and ask for help. In all things first look to God.

Letting go of the past

Recently things have been hard and I have been struggling with a couple of things. Then the other night something brought a few things home for me and showed me what the biggest part of the problem is. It will be impossible for me to move on and to start the next part of my life if I am still hanging on to the past.

Although I know that I am happier now than I have been in the past there are still aspects of my past that I pine for. I know that they can never return, that I don't really want them back and that in reality they were not good for me in the long run anyway. Yet there is a part of me that would give anything to be back there. Although I know that my relationship with my ex was destroying my soul and was detrimental to my mental health in a number of ways. Even though I was mentally assaulted and my self esteem was torn down on a regular basis there were many good times and it is those than I miss.

I was reminded while watching TV of the way I was made to feel during this relationship and why I am best out of it. It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I am yet there are still things that bring the old days flooding back. When this happens I can feel quite depressed about the things I have lost and how things are not how I planed them to be.

On top of this there is my dream of being a scientist, in the past this seemed to be the best option for me. However increasingly over the last few months I have realised that God wants me for other things. The problem is that my whole adult life has been geared towards the science world and breaking out of this mould is turning out to be incredibly difficult. Despite appearances I really don't like being negative and depressive, I'd much rather be talking about the great things that God is doing in my life but this blog is a fantastic way to unload the problems in my life. I prefer having fun and bringing laughter to those around me but doing this has been incredibly hard recently.

So I know that my past has to be lain to rest, not forgotten but not allowed to overshadow my future either. I know that my past had some great points, but that on the whole it was not a good period of my life. I have much to look forward to and much to offer in the future but I need to make a clean brake from my past. In the coming days and weeks I hope to make this brake by progressing on to a new direction in life. Until then I will spend time in prayer asking for help on making this big step in my life. Trusting in God to lead me the right way and help me in all that I do.