Jeremy Clarkson - Tried and Judged?

You may or may not be aware of the controversy surrounding Jeremy Clarkson in the British media at the moment over and alleged incident of him using racist language. Now anyone who knows of Jeremy Clarkson knows that his style and humour is always very close to the bone. He often uses terms and language that is intended to provoke a response and borders on causing insult. 

I don't want to role in on the circus surrounding the rightness or wrongness of anything he has, will or has supposedly done, more than enough people have done so already. What I do want to talk about is the trial and judgment meted out to this celebrity by the media solely based on the fact that he is a "celebrity" and therefore fair game. 

The first point which I want to make is that the word in question was never actually broadcast, was edited out in order not to cause offense, and if you believe the statements it was rerecorded and edited out on the say so of the so called racist Mr Clarkson. 

The second point is that the media has taken it on itself to go on a witch hunt in order to unearth something that it knows will sell, a story they know they can profit out of. To do this they have gone digging around searching and seeking for some slip up, a mistake, that they know they can build a controversy around. There has been a planned strategy behind this in order to discover, publish and follow up on something that they can tell the unsuspecting public is in their interests and instructing the public to be outraged by this.

As I said, I neither support or condemn Jeremy Clarkson for what he did or did not say or for his behaviours. Although I will admit to enjoying Top Gear with its irreverent sense of humour and school boyish approach. However I do feel that here we have someone who is being victimised for something he knew to be wrong after which he took steps to correct. Here we have a man not guilty of racism, but someone who having being brought up in a particular time period has grown to understand that what may have been acceptable in the past is no longer so. Here we have someone who knows that he skirts the boundary with controversy, but has obviously tried hard not to purposely cause offense on such a sensitive subject.

I don't know how anyone else feels, but I do object to being told time and again by the media about what I should be feeling offended by, I like the millions of other people in this country and around the world have a brain and I am capable of using it to make my own judgements and decisions. The number of people who felt it necessary to lodge official complaints about this issue a long time after the event in my mind shows a culture of people who are looking for what the media is trying to feed it, an excuse to be outraged. It was the same with Russell Brand and the Andrew Sachs debacle, how many of these incensed people were even aware of the original episode? How many of them actually watched that or any episode of Top Gear? Are we guilty of having the media that as a society we deserve? Lets not forget the recent scandals that the media industry has been involved with recently, are they using this and other "outrages" to try and hide from their own dirty past?

So this brings me on to the point I wish to make. Where should we stand on this situation and others like it? Do we weigh in and lay our voices with the camps of support or condemnation? Do we sit in the court of public perception and the media and pass judgment on all who are brought before us to be metaphorically stoned? Looking to scripture we know how Jesus chose to deal with such situations, when he said "He who is without sin may cast the first stone". We know not only from scripture but from our own life experiences that the rule you use to judge others will be used to judge you. I know that I myself even as a Christian live a life that is far from sinless, can we afford to live lives where we sit in judgement of others? I would hope that others could be forgiving towards my failings.

We know that what was said by Jeremy Clarkson was wrong, he has admitted as such himself. So where does that leave us? 

For me I feel we should be offering support to Jeremy Clarkson for the situation he is going through. We should make it known that we do not judge him or find him more guilty than anyone else for using abusive language. We should also make it known that neither do we support what he said or racism, hate, derogatory terms or any other kind of sin. We should be giving support to those affected by racism, those who suffer it in their daily lives and who face not only verbal abuse but physical and emotional abuse due to race. We should be educating our children and friends that all forms of hate and prejudice are wrong, including the hate and prejudice of those who are themselves guilty of hate and prejudice.

We can not live in a society that claims to be anti racist but yet is happy to be prejudice against people for other reasons such as celebrity. We need to let the mainstream media know that while we abhor the use of racist language, while we detest hate in all forms, we do not want to be guilty of what is essentially the same sin under another name by persecuting people for other reasons.

Society would be a much better place if people were more loving towards each other, more understanding and caring. If instead of looking for flaws and error we looked for opportunities to teach, learn and grow, if we looked for opportunities to love rather than hate. 

In closing this slightly ranty blog post (and I know it is the first in a very long time, recent traffic to the site has prompted me to get back on the blogging wagon again) I want to share some verses with you from Luke's gospel. If these don't tell us how to act with each other then there is very little that will.

Luke 6:41-42

‘Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, “Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,” when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

So in future, before we become obsessed and incensed by the latest newspaper frenzy lets think about how we should be acting and what we should be doing. In the end it all comes down to one word;

Love!

Rugby World Cup

As I write this I am lying in bed watching England's first game in the 2011 Rugby World Cup. Now I have been waiting 4 years since the last one for this one to start and like I do every 4 years I believe England can win the Web Ellis Trophy once again.

Rugby is a sport I love whether that is playing it or watching it I love it. However I have noticed at times that this sport can bring out the worst in me. I am well aware that this morning I have been very verbally aggressive and possibly slightly racist against the Argentinians and all because of 30 men running round after a prolate spheroid.

This aggressive nature is completely opposite to what my Christian nature should be, it is not compatible with the life I should be living. But how is it possible to reconcile my passion for this sport and my country and my Christian faith?

When I used to play myself we were always taught that we were to heap all our hate, anger and aggression on the other team so that combined with our passion we would be committed fully to a win. Equally though we were taught that respect on the pitch for our fellow players and to leave all those feelings on the field was the way we should be acting.

I think that this is similar to the idea of being strong on doctrine yet also strong on mercy. We can have this passion and have a righteous anger and still show Christian forgiveness and love by being merciful in the same way Christ was. We can want to win, we can push for victory, but not at the expense of our faith and values. We can hate what is wrong and hate what is evil, but not hate the people who are in the wrong or being evil. As Christians we should be tough on sin but gentle with the sinner.

Saying this it does not excuse the things I have felt and said this morning towards the Argentinians but it does show that we can have a passion and a desire to win in such things but we should always remember that as Christians we should love our fellow man, even if they are from Argentina.

I'm a Christian, But......

Before I start this post I want to put out this disclaimer. I do not claim now and have never claimed to be a shining light of Christian purity. I would willingly admit that I often get things wrong and that I have made many mistakes past, present and likely in the future too. I also know that I myself am far from sinless despite my best efforts to be what I should be as a Christian.

Ok now I have said that I feel an awful lot happier about the rant I am about to go on. The thing I want to talk about is Christians who push themselves into positions of influence and set themselves up as supposed good examples who knowingly live in unchristian ways.

I doubt it is only me who has trouble with people who seek out positions of influence and power in the Church for their own means and then go on to act in thoroughly unchristian ways. I can't help but think that a at least part of the problems we have in the Church are in some way connected to the bad examples of leaders who are not there for God. In this I mean the people who need to be in these positions of power and influence for their own gratification and own purposes. These people who then go on to continue to act in worldly ways with inappropriate behaviour, gossiping and spreading rumours. This poison then permeates its way through Churches, in fact The Church infecting people further setting poor examples to those young or weak in the faith who perhaps then see this as acceptable behaviour.

As I said in the disclaimer, I do not believe myself to be an example of what a Christian should be, far from it. To be honest I would be willing to admit I fall far short of where I should be as a Christian many times. But without then trying to make myself sound any better, I do not claim to be a perfect example, I do not pretend to be anything but a sinful man daily asking the Lord for forgiveness. I pray that Christians would see the sin in their own lives, the gossiping, rumour spreading and general sinful behaviour and acknowledge it. By acknowledging it they can not only confront it and attempt to drive it from their lives but also show others that while sin is not ok or acceptable it is going to happen. Show that by having a relationship with Jesus and asking for forgiveness we can grow as Christians and in faith.

These people know that what they are doing is wrong, unchristian and hurtful, they know they are causing pain to those they wrong and who they gossip about. Rumours based on idle speculation, conjuncture and wild fantasy that they spread cause a level of hurt that is known only to the individual and the Father. When friends turn on friends and say things that are hurtful or cause situations where the truth is either veiled or hidden purposely for their own gain. When friends manipulate circumstances to gain an advantage over friends all of these things are a source of the pain that Christ felt upon the cross.

Paul's letters to the early Church talk about situations we still see today, brothers and sisters in Christ are still acting in ways that are far from Christlike and in ways we have be warned and instructed not to act. We are all going to sin, we are all going to make mistakes but I can't help but think that these people are claiming to be followers of Christ but have not accepted the Spirit, have not accepted Christ's forgiveness and are not following the two greatest commandments.

Matthew 22:36-40
When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: "Teacher, which command in God's Law is the most important?"
Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them."

It's not just god who has plans

This post is something that has been on my mind for a few days now and something I have been hesitant to write about. The reason that I want to write about is because it is something that just will not go away and it is something I think we should all be concious of. However I am hesitant to write about it because the majority of this post will be about the enemy.

This post began due to the fact that I have been struggling and I have been thinking a lot about the plans that God has for me. I have been looking for signs and looking for direction form God, I feel that I know the beginnings of the outlines of the plan God has for me, I feel I know the direction but the details are sparse in places.

In thinking about the fact that God has plans for all of us I began to think about the fact that the enemy has very real plans as for what he wants us to do as well. The fact is that the enemy knows that God has plans for us and these plans are the very best, and so he will do anything he can to overcome these plans if he can. The enemy has plans, plans to destroy you, plans to harm you and plans to deny you of a hope and future.

The thing is that the enemy is very good at making his plans look fair, he is accomplished at making his plans attractive and alluring. The enemy is known in the Old Testament as the tempter and he is well deserving of that title as he is the original and most practised tempter in the universe.

We often talk about god and his plans, we mention Jesus and His love for the world and the Holy Spirit being in us and setting us on fire. But we forget about the fact that although the enemy is not perfect as God is and though his power is a fraction of His he is still throwing everything he has at us in an attempt to draw us away from the path we should be walking.

The enemy will tempt you in every way he can, he will send trials your way that will tempt you in ways that will break you and cause you to sin. The only way to successfully resist the enemy is to ask God for help, to pray ceaselessly that He will help you in your daily battle. There are going to be times when the devil will tempt you and cause you to sin, but if you accept the saving grace of Jesus and return to God with a repentant heart you will not be turned away. The best way to defend against a threat is to know it exists, don't ignore the enemy, do not belittle his power. He is very real and he has powers that are greater than we are, but God is greater still and it is only through Him that we can have eternal life.

Man flu.. Although this time it may be real flu

Well guys, today I almost gave in and came very close to calling a sick day. I have been battling with flu for the last 5 days and have barely had the energy or ability to get out of bed. I will be the first to admit that I am not the best patient and I am a particularly grumpy person when ill, but luckily I don't usually get ill very often so it balances out in the end at least that is what I tell my family. Because I have not been feeling great trawling the net and looking for things to write on has not really happened at all. Saying that though I did come across a fantastic twitter feed this weekend which is @CSLewisDaily, the name pretty much sums up what it is, everyday there is a different C S Lewis quote posted.

I have never been a particular fan of C S Lewis, in fact when I was a kid I tried to read the Chronicles of Narnia and found them a bit dry and boring. However recently at the insistence and recommendation from a friend I have been giving his work a chance and reading through various books and stories he wrote. I have come to have a lot of respect for this man and the way he manages to articulate my beliefs and experiences of Christianity in to a elegant and concise way.

One interesting quote that I came across when reading this feed I have shared bellow;

When a man is getting better he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him.

          CSLewis

The reason why I like this quote so much is because it is something that I can attest to with much experience. As someone who is actively trying to improve my life in every way, rebuilding from a past of being everything I shouldn't have been I can relate to this quote. Regularly I find that I am catching myself thinking things or about to do things I used to do in the past but are incompatible with my Christian life. The more I grow in my faith the more I realise that there is an innate sinful nature in us all and it is something that we always need to be watchful for. Although we do all have this sinful nature that is a part of us we do not need to be controlled by it or be a slave to it. When we know it exists and is there then we are in a much better place to protect ourselves from it.

Why do you still willingly crucify Jesus?

Now this post was triggered by something that happened yesterday, it is not a dig at anyone in particular or a personal attack but it is a heartfelt plea. In our lives we have a choice of what to do with our lives, we can choose to follow Christ or we can go and do what we want, do it our way. Doing it our way is not necessarily sinful, but when attempting to do things on our own we have neither the strength or the ability to hold out against the methods of the enemy for long. I know that we can choose to sin without the enemy being behind it, but when we weaken ourselves by excluding Christ we only make it easier for him when he does launch an inevitable attack.

When we have a choice to do things in a way that we know Christ would not have done then we are making a concious choice to sin. When we make these concious choices to sin we are turning or backs on Christ's teachings. Worse than that, we add to the suffering Christ bore for us on the cross. Christ died for all our sins, past present and future and non of us will be sinless, it is an impossible goal. But that does not allow us scope to sin when we feel like it, it does not give us carte blanc to do what we feel like when we feel like it.

We all have the capacity to sin, we are all human after all, but that also means we have the capacity, especially through Christ to choose not to sin also. Think about your life and think about the choices you make, your actions and your motivations. Are they all that they should be, or does sin enter in from time to time, is it that you are sometimes doing the right thing for the wrong reason. Even an action that looks right can be sinful if it is done with sinful and wrong motives.

If you want to live for Christ it requires a whole of life change, it is not enough to just say that you believe in Christ and want to live for Him. If that was true then you would be making the changes to live like Christ, you can't truly believe in the saving Grace and Love of Christ if you are content to remain the way that you were before you "found" Christ. Sure believing in Christ and the desire to live for Him is a good thing, but it is but one step of many steps to following Christ, taking one step towards Him is not following, following requires step after step after step, you have to walk. Just taking one step leaves the rest of your personal path with Christ unwalked and unexplored.

Each time we sin, each time we choose to go against Christ we are contributing to the suffering of our crucified Lord, we drive the nails further in we add to the weight on His heart and shoulders. When we knowingly and willingly choose to do what we know is wrong in Christ we become as much a part of the crucifixion as the centurion, Pilate or the Pharisees.

We know what Christ wants us to do, we also know our own human wants and desires, but we need to be mindful of where these desires come from and the price we pay for giving in to them. We need to ask God to help us with our weaknesses and to help us live without giving into them, but we also need to accept that help. We gain nothing from praying time and time again for help if when it comes along we choose not to accept it. Take a look at your life, look and see the places when you need it to be cleaned or even the parts that need to be cut away. Ask for help in doing this and then set to work with God's guidance.

Philippians 4:13 (KJV)

     I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

Winston Churchill - Never before.....

My life is very rarely planned, the fact that I currently have and am following a plan probably says more about my faith in God than it does my own planning skills. I often think about organising a plan for this blog, having posts prepared in advance and to follow some sort of schedule in what is going to be posted. But then that really isn't me and it wouldn't allow me to post some of the random things that happen or occur to me.

An example of this is that last night while doing some research work on an upcoming post I have really been desperate to blog about a totally unrelated quote kept surfacing in my mind. It was one of the most famous lines that Winston Churchill ever uttered;

     "Never before in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few"

                                                                                         (Winston Churchill)

This is an amazing statement about the brave fighter pilots and support staff who fought on the front line in the battle of Britain. Air based warfare was still in its infancy with new technology changing the circumstances regularly, tipping the scales one way or the other. I have a great respect for the men who were part of this band of brave men and count myself lucky to call one of them my Grandad. However although those who fought for us and died for us in this battle do deserve our respect and should always be remembered it is not about the who I want to speak.

The reason I want to talk about this quote is as I say not about those who the original quote is about, rather I want to talk about an amendment I began to think of last night.

     "Never before in the field of human existence was so much owed by so many to one man"

                                                                                         (Samuel Baker)

In this I am of course talking about Jesus. Because never before or since has anyone made such a sacrifice that does so much for so many people. Although there are many people throughout history who have made huge sacrifices in order that others may life or that others may have a better life there has never been anyone like Jesus or who has made such a huge sacrifice. The sheer enormity of Christs sacrifice can not be overstated. It was not a sacrifice to save a few people, or even many people, it was a sacrifice to save All people. Jesus died so that we could be saved, so that we could live not just now but for all eternity with the Father. In dying Jesus made it possible for all sinners to be forgiven and washed clean so that they could be acceptable to the Father. One man, Jesus, died so that we could have everything, no one before or since has or could have done the same. 

I know that I am a sinner, unfortunately being a Christian does not inoculate you against sin. It does however provide a medication so that you can cure the sin you have now and rid yourself of it. Jesus shows us a way to live so that sin need not be an issue anymore, in following His teachings we can move towards a life less tainted with sin, move towards purity. Yes you will stumble and fall but Jesus will always be there to pick you up again and help you to try and try and try again. You will never achieve it without Him, it is only through Him that you can hope to reach Salvation. Jesus gave everything for you, can you give all you have to Him?

May your truth of resurection

Yesterday at the end of my set devotions there was a short prayer too use. The words at the end of this prayer struck a chord with me and set me thinking about them all day. The words were;

May the truth of your resurrection fill and thrill my soul every moment of the day.


Now like every Christian out there I know the story of Jesus, of His miraculous birth through his ministry and on to His great sacrifice. I also know that 3 days after His sacrifice on the cross He rose from the dead, He was resurrected. But most of the time I don't think about that, I think about how my life is, am I doing what Jesus wants me to do, am I being a good Christian. I pray, I read the Bible and I attend Church I try to live a life that is as free from sin as I can. And though I know I fail I know that He forgives me and I can pick myself up and try again.

But How often does the resurrection figure? I know for me that except at Easter I am probably guilty of not paying that much attention to the resurrection at all. But the truth is that without it all we have is a story about a good man who had a few good ideas about how to live together. With out the resurrection we just have a collection of teachings from just another first century Rabbi. But the truth is that He is a risen Saviour who conquered death. And not only conquered death for Himself but for everyone of us too.

The thing is that none of the Bible makes any true sense unless you have the key to unlocking the secrets. Until you realise who the main character of the Bible is and see Him in all of it then you have missed the point. Jesus is as much in the Old Testament as He is in the New, it foreshadows His appearance and tells us what to expect from Him in the New Testament and beyond. Jesus is the hub and centre of the Bible and like the resurrection, without Jesus the Old Testament is just the history of the Jews and Israel.

So if the Bible is nothing without Jesus, and Jesus is nothing without the resurrection then surely it deserves much more attention. I think we often "ignore" the resurrection because it is so alien to us, because it is so strange and unnatural to us. But think about it, death, the one thing we all will face, the end to our lives on Earth, the only thing you can guarantee for everyone was defeated by Jesus. Think about it, really think about it, He died, He was dead for three days, and then He rose from the grave. This isn't a sci-fi zombie movie, it is not some fancy special effects for the big screen, but it is absolutely mind blowing.

May the truth of your resurrection fill and thrill my soul every moment of the day. In Jesus Christ we ask it. Amen.

Sin

Proverbs 15:1

Proverbs 15:1

     A gentle answer turns away wrath,
          but a harsh word stirs up anger.

This verse keeps cropping up for me. It has been on my mind recently and twice in the last two days this verse has been there in front of me. The first time was in the Bible study plan I am following at present and the second was in the book I am reading through.

I am a firm believer in God using sometimes quite mundane ways to talk to us. It could be one song that speaks to you repeatedly coming on the radio or like frequently happens to me, the same Bible verse keeps cropping up. Now I think I know what is being said by this verse to me personally. I have a short temper at times, and recently it has been exceptionally short. Since the snow hit us I have lost my temper on the road so many times and have had my fuse cut down to a dangerously short length.

It is not for other people that the length is dangerously short for, I can unless really stressed keep my temper under control. I may shout and say things I shouldn't at times but I never "lose" it. But when this red mist descends I am aware that I am not acting like the Christian I should. When I lose my temper I always make it worse by being hostile myself. My harsh words stir up a lot of anger. I know I need to learn to swallow this anger and always reply with a gentle answer. I know that like Jesus I should always humble myself and be strong enough to back down and not provoke or instigate further anger.

In my life I have never felt as though God has been telling me off. He teaches me lessons all the time and often tells me I am doing things wrong. He always gives me the gentle answer, he always avoids doing what would stir up anger inside me. And I know this is because He is our perfect everlasting God who created all that is, but it is still amazing don't you think? I will never be able to get my head around the grace and goodness He shows me, but I will also never be anything but thankful for everything He has done and will do for me if I have faith in Him.

What Would Jesus Do

A number of years ago there was a bit of a craze of wearing wrist bands displaying messages for all sorts of different groups, movements and ideas. I personally had a number of them, ranging from the Livestrong bands to the full collection of Christian ones including the W.W.J.D. one.

For those who don't know what it stands for it is the phrase "What Would Jesus Do". It was the idea that by wearing this on your wrist you would be reminded to think always about what would Jesus do in this situation or position. How would He act if faced with this situation, how would He behave if confronted by the same circumstances.

I wore my W.W.J.D. band constantly for years never once taking it off. I personally do not think it changed a single decision I made or made me a better Christian. I was a young and naive person with only a surface faith and nothing more. I was of the opinion that if I wore an outward sign of being a Christian I would instantly become a better Christian.

Recently I have been thinking about it in a slightly different way, a way in which it was not meant to be thought in but a way that I think helps me more. I think not of what would Jesus do, but what would I have done in the past. I think about the decisions I would have made in the past and how that decision fits with my faith and the teachings in the Bible. It is then that I think about what Jesus would do and how that compares with what I decided.

It is not something that I find easy to do, deciding to follow someone's plans other than my own. I find it extremely difficult to say my own plans are not good enough, that someone other than myself is right.

One of the other wrist bands I used to wear was one that said F.R.O.G. which represented the phrase Fully Relying On God. This phrase and following what Jesus would do and wants to do in my life is the place  I am aiming for in my life. I have a long way to go and a lot to learn but I know that with help I will keep making progress in the right direction.

A new creation

2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)  

    Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 

When I awoke this morning the Bible verse on my phone was the one above and as I was reading it a short song that we sing in my Church began to play in my head. It is a song that I have not sung in some time but one that actually has a strong meaning for me. This song is one that I can attest to, on ethat sums up my feelings about coming back to the Church better than I can myself.

I am a new creation
No more in condemnation
Here in the grace of God I stand
My heart is overflowing
My love just keeps on growing
Here in the grace of God I stand

And I will praise You Lord
Yes, I will praise You Lord
And I will sing of all that You have done

A joy that knows no limit
A lightness in my spirit
Here in the grace of God I stand

                  (Dave Bilbrough)

When we come to Christ and accept Him in to our lives. When we become part of Christ's Church we are cleaned of sin, washed of all the stains we carry and we become a new creation through Him. Any thing we were condemned from is stripped away and we are not made as new, but made wholly new by Him. As I am writing though another song from my childhood has been triggered and sums up the power of God in simple yet powerful words.

My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing that He cannot do.
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing that He cannot do.

The mountains are His, the rivers are His, the stars are His handiwork, too.
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing that He cannot do, for you!

One of those days

A friend of mine often asks me how my day at work has been and it is becoming a bit of a personal joke between us that my reply is always, "Ah it's just been one of those days." The thing is at work my life always does seem to be one of those days. I stumble from disaster to disaster cleaning up after people, fixing their problems and helping them plan how to rebuild their lives.

Some days this really takes it out of me and others leave me feeling good due to a job well done. Today however was one of those days, and not for a good reason. There is one person who I have been working with as part of my job to try and get him off his substance abuse, into full time employment and help reconcile with his family. Not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination but one that we seemed to be working towards.

However the last week for whatever reasons he has slipped back in to old habits and begun to live the old lifestyle he once had. But this is something we are all susceptible to, something that it is all to easy for us to find ourselves doing. It may not be substance abuse or anything near as damaging but we all have times when we slip back into the old way of doing things, our old negative habits.

As Christians we have a covenant with God through His son Jesus. Jesus left us commands to follow and showed us how to live life by his example. There is a way we are supposed to live and we all try to follow it as best we can. However I am sure everyone else is likely to find things the way I do. No matter how hard I try, no matter how good my intentions are I often find myself in situations and doing things I shouldn't be. I find that I have begun to do things as I used to, things that were second nature but that I gave up due to their negative impact on my life.

However as I told my client this evening, tomorrow is another day, a fresh day, a new day. This means we can have a new start tomorrow, a new beginning from scratch. We can see the places we went wrong, we know what it is we need to fix, lets start from there and see how far we can get. As Christians we have one major advantage on our side, we have His help.

What does Jesus mean to you?

This is an incredibly personal question and it is going to be different for pretty much everyone. I am not sure how well it will work but I have had an idea for something to try with this post. The Church I am a member of has a tradition of testimonies, where members of the congregation will stand up and talk about how Christ has and is working in their lives. I would love it if people would do something similar with this post. My idea is that anyone who wants to can write a post using the same title and in the same vein as this post and then link them back to each other. I think this would be a great exercise to see how Jesus is working around the world in many different lives and lifestyles.

Well to start off let me tell you a bit about myself. I am 24 years old and I am currently living in the north of England with my parents. It hasn't always been so great though.

My childhood was great, I had everything I could ever ask for, I had loving parents and was brought up in a warm and welcoming Christian Church. School bored me but somehow I always managed to come away with the highest results and once I finished it was off to University for me.

For me this is really where I consider that my life began, for the first time in my life I was living away from home doing what I wanted. I had decided to study Physics at Uni for two reasons, the first was that I was very good at it, the second is that it annoyed a lot of people back home. I say I had a happy childhood and that the Church I grew up in was warm and welcoming, but I never felt any attachment to it other than family ties. Because I had no relationship with God at this point in my life I felt no desire or reason to stay in the Church. Subsequently I stopped attending and fell into some bad habits.

My first day at Uni so easily could have been the beginning of an epic love story, within 5 minutes of arriving at my induction I had met a beautiful girl and fallen head over heels in love. After a short chat and an impromptu pub date we arranged to go on our first real date. Everything went really well, date followed date, we spent all our time together and within weeks we had realised we were falling for each other quite hard. In meeting this girl I also had some great excuses to avoid going home and attending Church. We spent as much time as we could together and if that meant not seeing my family or going to Church then it was a price I was willing to pay.

Over the next 2 years things just kept getting better, we had done the meet the parents thing, moved in together and were in our minds very happy. And so we began planning for the future, if we were going to be together I would have to meet her whole family and that meant travelling abroad. So we packed our things and flew half way around the world to meet her whole family. Again things went well, I was accepted into the family and had an amazing time relaxing and being a tourist. And just before I left to go home again, we got engaged.

We knew our families would not be happy about this as we were still at uni and had a lot of work to do in order to graduate. So we decided to wait to tell people until we were finished Uni, we were together, we were happy, waiting was no problem at all.

My partner had been ill for most of the time we were together and I did a lot to look after her and unfortunately on our return to the UK she became worse. This period of time tried my patience, tested my love and drove me to breaking point a number of times. But each time we would get through it and become stronger for it.

That was until she gradually started to feel better. With her illness my partner had dropped out of Uni and wanted to study something different, something where she could make a difference to people. So off she went back to uni and she seemed very happy. Also at about the same time we were both laid off by the company that had employed us and we took on new jobs working for a brewery. With everything that had changed we had very little time with each other but we knew it would only be for one more year.

The stress however began to tell and with her recovering health my partner was evolving into a new person. And although we could both see it neither of us wanted to admit we were growing apart. After over 4 years my partner decided enough was enough, she had met someone else and wanted to move on.

This was possibly the hardest moment of my life so far for me, I had lost everything. I had no relationship with my family, no house to live in, no partner and I had no friends in the city in which I lived. This was possibly the lowest I have ever felt. The one thing left in my life was the job working for the brewery, and that only made my troubles worse.

So tail between my legs I went home, and moved back in with my parents. I still wanted nothing to do with the Church and spent as little time with my family as I could. I spent all my time working and mourning what I had lost. My family knew there was a problem and quickly worked out that I needed help. However I refused any and all help, I just didn't care anymore.

The one positive that came out of that summer is that my Mum dragged me to Church every Sunday. I ignored everything there though and just played on my DS or phone. However slowly I began to pay attention, at first to the music, then the words and eventually the sermons themselves.

So that summer came and went and it was time for me to return to finish my last year at Uni. I found myself a small flat to live in and went back with the aim of rebuilding my life. If only it was so easy to do that. Time and again one after the other I was dealt body blows that would be difficult to get over. I lost my job, lost all but 1 of my friends and had the spectre of my ex hanging round constantly.

However the first weekend I moved back to Uni I found myself sat in a Church. I had no intention of going at all, I just wanted a walk to clear my head, yet there I was. I instantly felt at home, accepted and welcome. It sounds sad but it was one of the best feelings of my life. Over time this Church became like my family, I have a lot of friends there and it is still one of the places where I feel my happiest and most comfortable. Since I began attending there my life has picked up. In fact it is better now than it has ever been, I am truly happy, from the inside out.

So much has happened since then and most of it is documented here in this blog or will likely be in the future. And if I talk about it all this blog post would become an even bigger monster than it is.

But why is all this relevant to the question I asked?

The answer is simply that Jesus saved me.

And its not just in the spiritual sense of the born again Christian. Jesus took me from the darkest place and held me. He showed me love, peace and happiness. He showed me there was a life worth living. I don't think many people know quite how far I fell or how hard it has been to get back on top and start living again. But Jesus does, and it was by His strength that I made it back. In this brief overview I have missed a great deal out that has little bearing on the main point of the story. I fell and Jesus lifted me higher. Many times during my time at Uni I was involved in sinful activities and evil ways. But Jesus saved me from that sin too.

Jesus gave me my life back and gave me a reason to live. A reason to wake up in the morning and get out of bed. And because of this I want Him to have the whole of my life. It is not mine and has never been, even if I thought otherwise. He has just entrusted me with it for a time. He wants me for a task and now I want to go do it. All because Jesus is everything to me. I am not perfect and don't always do what is right, but I sure do try to and I want to follow His plans for me.

I hope this has not been too long or depressing for people, but I hope you take it for what it is. If you want to join in my experiment do not feel you have to write a huge post. Just write what Jesus means to you, if you want to include why then that is great too.. I hope people do join in with this, if you do please send me the link as a comment or on jerrathorn@gmail.com so that I can post it below. All I ask in return is that you link to this post in your response, thanks.

Check out the people who have already posted on this title.

Warnings from little brother

It's that time again! Yes it's time for the latest linked Bible post brought to you by Sam and Caron. Please follow the link and check out Caron's blog and read her thoughts on today's topic too. Also please check out the previous linked blog posts from both me and Caron here.

This linked post was chosen by me, so if it turns out terrible, you don't like it or disagree you now know who to blame. So for this post I decided that I would quite like to have a closer look at Jude, use it as an exercise to really get to grips with this short yet powerful book. Check here to read it online.

I love the beginning of this book, it is such a wonderful way to start a letter to anyone;

Jude 1:2   

    Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way! 

Now as an opening to a letter this has to rank amongst the best. Jude is pretty much saying, "hey guys, chill, it's all going great, it's all going to be great. Oh, and Jesus is on His way!" I don't know exactly who it was written to but it appears to be an open letter to all believers of the Church. Whoever it was sent to though this is an awesome opening.

But hold on a second, lets skip back to the first verse. Here we read that this letter is from Jude who is a servant of Christ and brother to James. The use of servant here is used in other parts of the New Tetament and suggests that the author was an Apostle of Christ. Not only that but it is very possible that this man was one of Jesus brothers. Jude and Judas are both different Anglicised versions of the same Jewish name, and if we look at Matthew 15:55;

Matthew 13:55  

    But in the next breath they were cutting him down: "We've known him since he was a kid; he's the carpenter's son. We know his mother, Mary. We know his brothers James and Joseph, Simon and Judas. 

If this is the case then we are dealing with someone who knew Christ exceptionally well, someone who would have heard His teachings often and spent a lot of time with our Saviour. Jude, James and the family of Jesus would have know Him and His teachings and would, in my opinion, be worth listening too.

So we know who is writing this letter, that he has a deep faith and the peace that comes with it, that he wants to share this faith and peace with all followers. But what is it he actually wants to say to us, what is the point of this letter?

This letter is a stark and clear warning, it pulls no punches. After a short and warm introduction it dives straight into the point of the letter. 

Jude 1:3  

    Dear friends, I've dropped everything to write you about this life of salvation that we have in common. I have to write insisting-begging!-that you fight with everything you have in you for this faith entrusted to us as a gift to guard and cherish. 

We see here that the author feels so strongly about the point of this letter that he has dropped everything. Not only that but he has been driven to insist, nay beg the readers to not just fight, but fight with all they have for their shared faith. I don't know about anyone else but as I read this passage, Jude, I get a sense of great love, love like that of an elder sibling who is desperately trying to help his younger siblings see the truth. The relationship I have with my older brother is not always great but there is one thing I know. I can always rely on, the fact he will always look out for me and my well being, that he will always give me straight, honest and good advice. That is the sense I get from this letter, it is someone older and more mature in the faith pleading with his younger faith siblings to see the truth and follow the right path.

The warning in this letter is about people. Not just any people but those who want to use the Church and the faith for their own gain. Jude is desperately trying to warn us against them. People who will look all holy and pious on the outside but are actually just using the Church for their own advancement and earthly betterment. Most of this letter is a series of references to similar cases in the past as recorded in the Bible. This is as much for the warnings and reminders of what happened in these stories as much as it is to illustrate the problem. Know your past else you will be doomed to repeat it.

Jude 1:14-19   

    Enoch, the seventh after Adam, prophesied of them: "Look! The Master comes with thousands of holy angels to bring judgment against them all, convicting each person of every defiling act of shameless sacrilege, of every dirty word they have spewed of their pious filth." These are the "grumpers," the bellyachers, grabbing for the biggest piece of the pie, talking big, saying anything they think will get them ahead. 

    But remember, dear friends, that the apostles of our Master, Jesus Christ, told us this would happen: "In the last days there will be people who don't take these things seriously anymore. They'll treat them like a joke, and make a religion of their own whims and lusts." These are the ones who split churches, thinking only of themselves. There's nothing to them, no sign of the Spirit!

This problem was foreseen and forewarned by a number of people, people including Christ! It is a tactic well used by the enemy, to infiltrate and subvert. The enemy is not above using any technique to serve his purpose and complete his self ordained mission against God. He will use anyone and everything he can to try and defeat us and to turn us against our Lord and Saviour. And because of that these warnings from Jude, echoed in 2nd Peter and also in I, II and III John, need to be heeded. If this threat was not so great why would there be so many warnings for us.

However this letter is not just a warning, it does provide us with advice on how to avoid falling into this trap, about how to prevent this from happening in our Church.

Jude 1:20-21 

    But you, dear friends, carefully build yourselves up in this most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit, staying right at the center of God's love, keeping your arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ. This is the unending life, the real life! 

If we have accepted Christ and have the Holy Spirit within us we will be protected, if we pray always and keep ourselves within God's love then we will be kept safe. But not only that if we fail there is the knowledge that if we go to Christ we can receive mercy and be given the true life in Christ, unending life. There will be many battles, we may lose a few. But if we are firm in Christ we can sure win the war.

The next two verses are possibly my current favourite verses in the whole Bible, it is something that through experience I know to be true and something I am trying hard to work into my life. 

Jude 1:22-23   

    Go easy on those who hesitate in the faith. Go after those who take the wrong way. Be tender with sinners, but not soft on sin. The sin itself stinks to high heaven. 

The job I do brings me into close contact with many people who have sinned, some of them in the most horrendous ways. It is a daily struggle for me to act in a Christian way towards these people when I know the extent and form of these sins. But right here it gives us directions to follow, be tough on sin because the sin stinks in the most offensive way. God hates sin, he hates everything about it, but he loves us and wants us to be free of that sin. He asks that we as followers help those who have not yet found His love through Christ. We should be tender with the sinner themselves, we should try and nurture whatever good is in them and show them through our actions the life they can have through Christ if they but accept His love and follow Him. We have to remember Jesus Himself did not spend His time with those who were right with God. He went right to the people who were the worst, the least, the people society wanted nothing to do with. As followers of Christ we should be following this example and going to these outcasts and bringing them into Jesus' fold. We should be working with those the world wants nothing to do with, go love the unlovable as Christ would.

And at last that brings us to the end of the letter, Jude's doxology, his hymn of praise to our Father. It is a fantastic end that is befitting a letter with such a wonderful beginning. In my opinion it is up there amongst some of the greatest words written and I can think of no better way to finish this post. If it was good enough for Jude's letter then it is more than good enough for Sam's blog. I hope you enjoyed reading this post please leave any comments below and also check out the corresponding blog written by my friend here.

Jude 1:24-25 (KJV)  

    Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. 

It's not just God who is calling

I have been thinking about the things I want in life. This is mostly because I have been thinking heavily about my past and my prospective future. I know there are two routes I could take, two very clear and very different routes. I know on the one hand God is calling me to do something very different from what I have been doing in my life so far. And on the other has been the life I thought I wanted, the one I have spent years preparing for. There is the saying that if you are not for God you are against God. And therefore it follows that if you are not working for God then you are working against Him. So I can follow God's calling and do the work He wants me to do or I can go the other way and do what I want.

The thought that triggered this line of logic was one about my past. I was feeling nostalgic again for my past life, wanting what I had and was taken away from me.

Then the thought hit me, the last thing that the enemy wants is for us to follow God's calling in our lives. And so the enemy is calling us, calling us to do anything but what God wants us to do. He knows he can never win the war and so he is doing everything he can to win each battle. He is using everything at his disposal to stop us following God's plan. There is nothing he will not do, nothing he will not try in order to steal us away from God. I wrote a post awhile ago called Why does the enemies side seem so good? and the thing is often it does seem very good. Jesus never promised us an easy life, He never once told us it would be plain sailing. In fact He specifically told us the opposite, that we would be hated and persecuted because we love Him. The enemy plays on this and offers us things in this life that seem good, fun and fulfilling. The truth is though that these things are empty, even good works are empty if they are not done for God and His glory.

So what are we to make of all of this? Are we working against God every time we do something we want, or something that makes us happy now? I think that this is not the case, God does want us to be happy in this life, he does want the best for us. But He also wants us to want to do His will, and that sometimes requires sacrifice. As Christians we are called to be like Jesus. Look at His life, look at the way He lived and acted. It is certainly not an easy life, it is anything but a life chasing worldly joys. Even so we do not need to deny ourselves of every pleasure in life, as long as we know them for what they are. If it is not sinful and done in a God honouring way, and we thank God for it the pleasurable things in life are perfectly acceptable. If this is not the case though it plays right into the enemies hands, and as I said earlier, he will use any advantage he can find.

We often talk about God calling us to service or God's plans, but as Christians these days we often shy away from talk of the enemy. Why is this? Surely the best way to fight an enemy is to know him and be prepared for his attacks. We should be aware of the enemy, be aware of his plans for us. He does not want our salvation or for us to enter Heaven. Every day he will be calling to us, tempting us away from the things we should be doing. Using our desires and worldly dreams to distract us from the path we have been set upon by God.

I am sure there is much doctrine and scripture that I could quote in this post, but to be honest I don not see a need. We know the enemy is evil, we know he hates God. With this hatred comes a desire for him to destroy as much of Gods creation as he can. We can easily read of his ways in the Bible and see his actions in the world. But the greatest weapons we have against him are firstly God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, if we love God, follow Jesus and have the Holy Spirit within us the enemy can not win us. Secondly if we are aware of his desire to steal us from God then we will be aware of his attacks in our lives. When this happens we can then turn to God and ask for help. In all things first look to God.

Letting go of the past

Recently things have been hard and I have been struggling with a couple of things. Then the other night something brought a few things home for me and showed me what the biggest part of the problem is. It will be impossible for me to move on and to start the next part of my life if I am still hanging on to the past.

Although I know that I am happier now than I have been in the past there are still aspects of my past that I pine for. I know that they can never return, that I don't really want them back and that in reality they were not good for me in the long run anyway. Yet there is a part of me that would give anything to be back there. Although I know that my relationship with my ex was destroying my soul and was detrimental to my mental health in a number of ways. Even though I was mentally assaulted and my self esteem was torn down on a regular basis there were many good times and it is those than I miss.

I was reminded while watching TV of the way I was made to feel during this relationship and why I am best out of it. It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I am yet there are still things that bring the old days flooding back. When this happens I can feel quite depressed about the things I have lost and how things are not how I planed them to be.

On top of this there is my dream of being a scientist, in the past this seemed to be the best option for me. However increasingly over the last few months I have realised that God wants me for other things. The problem is that my whole adult life has been geared towards the science world and breaking out of this mould is turning out to be incredibly difficult. Despite appearances I really don't like being negative and depressive, I'd much rather be talking about the great things that God is doing in my life but this blog is a fantastic way to unload the problems in my life. I prefer having fun and bringing laughter to those around me but doing this has been incredibly hard recently.

So I know that my past has to be lain to rest, not forgotten but not allowed to overshadow my future either. I know that my past had some great points, but that on the whole it was not a good period of my life. I have much to look forward to and much to offer in the future but I need to make a clean brake from my past. In the coming days and weeks I hope to make this brake by progressing on to a new direction in life. Until then I will spend time in prayer asking for help on making this big step in my life. Trusting in God to lead me the right way and help me in all that I do.

GBC1 Holyvision from God

Yet again it is time for the linked Bible study. Quick bit of news on this, due to time constraints the linked Bible study will be now posted on the first Monday of each month only. Hopefully this will allow more time to spend reflecting on each topic and time to pray for inspiration. I am hoping to use the other spot where the linked bible study would go to try another project out, there are a couple of ideas out there but non as yet fully formed. I will keep you updated as and when things progress.

So now God's Broadcasting Channel proudly brings you Isaiah. Specifically Isaiah 6, check out the link to read online or feel free to use your own translation. Also as usual you can read the corresponding post here.

I am actually really pleased that this was the passage chosen to look at this week as unbeknown to my friend this passage has been in my mind for some time. The main reason being is that I have been going through somewhat of a transition of late. I am at a point in my life where things could go pretty much anywhere, I have so many options and opportunities. What am I going to do with my life? Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? These 3 questions have been constant companions over the past year as I have been moving on from being a student into postgraduate life. The answers to these questions were very simple to begin with, I want to be a scientist, I want to travel and work around the whole world and I want to make as much money as I can while doing these things. Well that was until I began to get serious about my life as a Christian. God has done a lot in my life over the last 12 to 18 months and in that time I have grown closer to Him. And towards the end of my studies when I had some big decisions to make I began to ask God what it was He wanted me to do. At first I wrestled with my problems with prayer, I thought I could not hear Him, I thought I had no way to know His plans. Through an ongoing learning process I have begun to pray on a more regular basis and started to learn to see His signs and messages in my life. Through this growth in my prayer life and an increase in personal Bible study I have begun to realise a number of things. One is another passage from Isaiah;

Isaiah 55:8-9
        "I don't think the way you think.
            The way you work isn't the way I work."
                God's Decree.
        "For as the sky soars high above earth,
            so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
            and the way I think is beyond the way you think.

The way I think, the way I work is not the way that God works. His methods are as far removed from mine as they could be. Just as this is the case it is also true that my "needs" and "wants" are not the same as His. The things I wanted out of life are not the same as what God wants for me. The way I have lived my life is not how God wants me to live it. And this brings me back to Isaiah 6.

Isaiah 6:5
    I said,
        "Doom! It's Doomsday!
            I'm as good as dead!
        Every word I've ever spoken is tainted—
            blasphemous even!
        And the people I live with talk the same way,
            using words that corrupt and desecrate.
        And here I've looked God in the face!
            The King! God-of-the-Angel-Armies!"

How true this is in my life, in the past I have spoken many things that God would never say. Many times I have even spoken out against God, actively attacked Him and His people. If ever anyone's words were tainted then mine have been. In the same way I have had, and still have many friends who are the same, they do not believe in God and are active against Him using words against Him. So who am I to be coming to God, who am I standing freely in His presence.

Isaiah 6:7
    He touched my mouth with the coal and said,
        "Look. This coal has touched your lips.
            Gone your guilt,
            your sins wiped out."

God however has the power to wipe away these sins of my past, He is able to burn them away with a hot coal. Even better than this I have been freely given forgiveness through the death of Jesus, I have been washed in the blood of Christ. Because of this my sinful nature can be accounted for and made right, because my sins have been dealt with I am able to be accepted and used by God.

Isaiah 6:8
        And then I heard the voice of the Master:
            "Whom shall I send?
            Who will go for us?"
        I spoke up,
            "I'll go.
            Send me!"

The end of this chapter again holds significance for me, the reason being is that with my life being in the position it is in right now I have the opportunity to answer His call. He is standing there asking us "Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?" If we do not answer with a resounding "I'll go, send me!" then can we really say we are His. I spoke Saturday morning about giving your heart to Jesus and I feel this is a restatement of what I said there. Have you given your heart to Jesus? Have you given Him all of your life? Are you holding anything back from him? If so why? I want to give everything I have to Jesus, I want him to use my life, I want my response to be "I'll go, send me!"

Weekend away

Well I am really looking forward to this weekend. I am off to visit my younger brother at university for the first time. I do not always get along with my family great as I have been somewhat of a black sheep in the past and certain people in my family seem to resent that. However my younger brother and I are close and are more like friends than anything else. We talk on a regular basis, to the point where we bought our new phone contracts together in order to be able to talk as much as we want for free. We also spend a lot of time together and as often as we can include each other in our plans. Throughout my time at university despite him being 5 years younger than me my parents would allow him to travel to see me regularly. And so we would have a lot of fun and laugh a lot doing our usual stupid stuff together. Now he is an adult himself and off to university it is my turn to reciprocate and crash his student house in the same way. Since he left things at home have been tough as I have no one to offload to or go to for help with things that are bothering me. I have had no one to do things with,watch TV with, or until I get my car insured no one to drive me around. So I am quite excited to go down and see him in his new environment, with his new friends and experience his new life. It will really be the first time that we will be able to go out to pubs, clubs and bars and so should be quite an experience for the both of us, something of a new chapter. However, although I am looking forward to this weekend there are some things which I know are going to be hard. In the past I was a somewhat heavy drinker and generally a pretty bad example of a Christian. Since Lent though I gave up drinking and have been trying to live my life in a much more Godly way. There have been tests and trials during this time, yet I have always had my Christian friends close by to help me stay strong. This is the first time I will be encountering the "old" lifestyle I used to live without help and support close by. I know my brother is there, but he seems to me to be going through a wilderness period at the moment in which he struggles to see God outside of the Church environment. I am sure I have the strength to avoid slipping in to the "old" habits but I know it is going to be a real test, a real trial of fire. In addition to everything else this weekend I will also be going along with my brother to his local Church. There are two reasons for this, the first is I am curious as to what his new Church is like. The second is that I know how hard it can be leaving home and trying to build a new life in a new city where you don't know anyone. In this environment it is easy to let Church fall by the wayside, especially when faith is a struggle to begin with. I hope that my brother will be able to start to feel at home in his new Church quickly and that it will be a source of support for him in his 4 years at uni. I know that I regret not returning to the Church earlier and if I can help him find one where he can belong then I can hopefully save him some of the pain and suffering I endured in my years at university.

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

(The Reason - Hoobastank)

This is the first verse and chorus from one of my favourite songs by one of my favourite bands. The lyrics are not and as far as I know the band is not Christian. Yet these words perfectly sum up my feelings about my past. Until very recently I was of the opinion that the thing in my past were part of who I am, that in order to be the person I am today I had to go through these experiences. I thought that to be ashamed of my past or to apologise for it would mean that I was ashamed and apologising for who I had become.

The reality is though that who I am, the person I have become is down to the fact that God is working in my life now. Before, all the things that I had done were of the world and the enemy. If I want to make progress in my journey then I must admit my failings and confront what they mean. I must admit how wrong and unchristian they were. More than anything I must apologise to the one person I hurt most during all of this, the one person who was there through it all, watching me with tears in His eyes.

Ignoring the past is not an option and forgetting it would open the door to sin. I must acknowledge that these memories are part of who I am and part of the journey I have been on. The lessons I have learned are valuable and the end result in finding God is to be thanked. However I must recognise the sin of my past life and know that any good that came from it was purely from God. If I am wanting to live a God filled and God lead life then I cannot be holding on to things in the past that I know to be sinful and wrong. To follow the path that God has set before me I must be aware but not attached to my personal history. One Bible verse that fills me with hope is the following;

Mark 3:28   

    "Listen to this carefully. I'm warning you. There's nothing done or said that can't be forgiven."