I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
(The Reason - Hoobastank)
This is the first verse and chorus from one of my favourite songs by one of my favourite bands. The lyrics are not and as far as I know the band is not Christian. Yet these words perfectly sum up my feelings about my past. Until very recently I was of the opinion that the thing in my past were part of who I am, that in order to be the person I am today I had to go through these experiences. I thought that to be ashamed of my past or to apologise for it would mean that I was ashamed and apologising for who I had become.
The reality is though that who I am, the person I have become is down to the fact that God is working in my life now. Before, all the things that I had done were of the world and the enemy. If I want to make progress in my journey then I must admit my failings and confront what they mean. I must admit how wrong and unchristian they were. More than anything I must apologise to the one person I hurt most during all of this, the one person who was there through it all, watching me with tears in His eyes.
Ignoring the past is not an option and forgetting it would open the door to sin. I must acknowledge that these memories are part of who I am and part of the journey I have been on. The lessons I have learned are valuable and the end result in finding God is to be thanked. However I must recognise the sin of my past life and know that any good that came from it was purely from God. If I am wanting to live a God filled and God lead life then I cannot be holding on to things in the past that I know to be sinful and wrong. To follow the path that God has set before me I must be aware but not attached to my personal history. One Bible verse that fills me with hope is the following;
"Listen to this carefully. I'm warning you. There's nothing done or said that can't be forgiven."