Loneliness

Last night I was sitting doing some thinking about the future. The result of this was that I managed to get myself slightly depressed. This is mainly because I am feeling quite lonely at the moment. I live a long way from my friends at the moment, I have few people to talk to here where I live and no one at the moment who I feel I can call on whenever I need someone. The other thing is that I am very aware that the path my life is taking means that this is not going to change for the better any time soon. In fact it is most probably going to get worse.

I know this sounds a lot like self pity, and in a certain sense it probably is. I also know that the times I feel like this are moments when I am about to make significant steps in the direction God wants me to go. I am aware that the enemy is going to do everything he can to put me off following God, trying to put me off folloing the plan for my life. The thing is, although I know these feelings are the result of an attack I also know there is an element of truth in them which makes them that bit more powerful. I am not naturally someone who enjoys being isolated and alone. I do like to have my space from time to time but I love being surrounded by friends and loved ones.

I know that whatever my lot in life I should be happy in it, I have a lot more than most people. Although I have been through some rough patches I have sailed through life relatively unscathed. I know that I will receive everything in life that I need at the time that I need it and that I need to wait with patience. But patience is something that I'm struggling with at the moment. I want to run headlong into these plans and want everything now. I have been told by a few people now that I should take some time to reflect on things and proceed prayerfully, and I know they are right. But just because I know that that is the way I should be does not change the fact that I am an impatient person.

I know that life will turn out for the best if I just hand it over to Him. I know that no matter what my thought and feelings about the plan are it is infinitely better than any plan that I could come up with. Patience is a virtue, or so I am told, and it is something that I need to work hard on to develop. I know these feelings will go away in the next few days, but it does not mean that because I know this they will be easier to deal with. I know God will help me battle these daemons and together we will overcome, until then I just need to pray for strength.