I want to take this opportunity to announce that my life is going to go through some major changes in the next few weeks and as such I have decided that from now on I will only be posting once a day. I know that it has been tough at times to keep up such a schedule and I know that it is going to get harder in the future. As I would rather produce good posts rather than sloppily produced ones I have decided that one post a day will be much more manageable.
So now that house keeping is out of the way I guess I should fill you in on some of what has happened since I last blogged. In that time I have been for an interview for a new job which went very well, I have been invited back for a second interview and a day to experience the outreach work I would be doing. Also I have applied for several other jobs which would also put me in the place and position I feel would be most beneficial for me and help me to follow Gods plans in my life right now. I am praying hard that this will all come to fruition soon and that I will receive good news on the 4th when I go for the second interview.
In addition to this I have had some problems in my relationship with God. My Bible study has not been great of late and has suffered more due to my lack of blogging and not picking up my Bible to check details and read passages that come to mind. While my prayer life has not dwindled it has not until the last few day felt very productive, it has at times felt as though I am just going through the motions and talking to thin air.
However yesterday I attended my first cell group in a month and for the first time in a month really felt that I was in the presence of God. After cell group I took the advice of a friend of mine and took a drive into the middle of nowhere and had a chat with God. I pulled over on the verge and turned off the engine and lights and spent about 10 minutes just sitting there. Eventually I felt that I was able to articulate the thoughts and feelings in my head into words to say to God. My friend told me that if I was angry with God I should tell Him, and to be honest I was ready to lose my temper and tell Him exactly what I thought about things.
However when I had everything straight in my head about the way I have felt and the things I have been thinking about I felt absolutely no anger at all. I found that what I really wanted to say was that I have felt lost of late, that I feel that I know where He wants me in the long run but the method of getting there is unclear to me right now. I have a few things that I want too, I want to move back to the city I love, I want to be near my friends and I want someone to share my life with. The last one is something I am really struggling with at the moment, I am at a point in my life where I really want to move on with my life and having someone to share that with would I think be amazing. But I don't want just anyone like I have tried in the past, I want someone who will make me more than what I am now in a way that is pleasing to God and will make me more productive than I am on my own.
When I got everything I wanted out of my system I realised that the thing that I wanted more than anything else was for God to do what He will with my life. I want to live my life in the way the God wants me to, to do the things He has asked of me. I want to want what God wants for me, I want to be and do everything that God wants of me and I know I can't do that without His help.
I have to be honest and say that I am struggling of late, I am not doing everything that I should and I know that I am being more worldly than I should. I know that I should not be too hard on my self and I know that one of my favourite sayings is that no one ever said being a Christian would be easy but to let things slide and not be worried or want to do something about it should be more worrying than the situation I am in at the moment. Knowing that there is a problem is the best place to start from in trying to fix that problem.
I came across a Bible quote that I think sums up perfectly the way things are in my life right now and the way that I am thinking.
Philippians 2:12(NIV paraphrased)
work out your salvation with fear and trembling
I know that God has a plan for me, I trust that plan and want it to be all of my life more than anything else. I have a couple of selfish requests but I have committed myself to God and if what I want is not what He wants then I want to not want it. I know that sounds like gibberish but it is the way I feel and it is the best way I know to express it. This is what I want more than anything else and I know that it won't be easy and that I will never reach the goal, that I will likely not ever get close but my desire is to be a true follower of Christ and to server the Lord my God, your God, our God.