I know I have talked about callings a number of times, and I have talked about my own calling a few times without really expanding on it, which I will do one day. I have been struggling with things recently, self doubts, problems with the logistics and at times I have felt a little bit like Sisyphus. Not many people know this as I have been trying to keep a positive face to the world and have been trying to trust that it will all work out right.
I mentioned last night that I attended a study group for people who feel they are being called to God's work. During this session there were a couple of not to lightly veiled references to the fact that it has taken me some time to get everything I need to do for the current stage of the process I am on done and some of it is still outstanding. After a small amount of discussion I made the point that I had been taking my time to ensure I had done everything to my satisfaction and that I feel no pressure from God to do things any quicker than I am.
I know what it is that I feel God is calling me to do and I am confident that in this I do have things the right way round. But there is a raft of things that I feel God is directing me towards doing before I officially commit to what it is He wants me to do. It is sometimes difficult for me to explain the reasons for doing what it is I feel I need to be doing, and if I am completely honest often I do not know why I am doing what I am doing more than half of the time, I just know it is the right thing to do. Because of this I find it is often difficult for other people to understand my "reasoning" behind the things I do, and I find it very difficult to explain my "reasoning" too.
The thing that keeps me going on the track that I am on and that keeps me faithful despite the fact that I often don't know where it is I am going is because Jesus is the light of my heart. Since giving my heart to Jesus I have never been let down by Him, every time I put my trust in Him I am amazed at the blessings He heaps onto me. I know that God is there for me in all things, good and bad, that no matter what the world and the enemy throw at me that God is greater and that He has greater plans for me just around the corner. Since allowing Jesus into my heart to become the light in there I have found that He has worked such a change. Life is not any easier or less painful, there are still many things I need to change about my life, but there have been so many changes and blessings so far that I look forward to looking back over my whole life and seeing how much He will do in all my life. I hope I can always put my whole trust in God and that I can always follow His direction.
This blog is supposed to be, as much as I can, my daily journey through life as a Christian. I hope it to be my thoughts and feelings on life but be as grounded in the Christian message as it can. My intention is not to create a daily readings or bible study guide but to look at my life in terms of a Christian trying to find and follow God's mission using his Life User's Manuel AKA the Bible.